tousa's blog

the rich dont care

2012-01-08T10:57:00.000-08:00

some how some way i have noticed that the rich dont care
they say with noses pointing to the sky the people in tahrir are thugs

i tell them no they are not
they say have u been there have u seen them
i say yes
maybe they dont look so clean cuz theyve been there for weeks

and then they go on to provoke me more and say
why was the girl in the blue bra not wearing a shirt under her black abaya
and Oh God nothing annoys me more than that
because if they saw the video she was and if she wasnt she is free
because underneath ur clothes u can wear whatever you want
you dont think well maybe if they undress me i need to wear layers
undressing people is not an option usually

and then they say what brought her there
and oh i cant even stand this anymore

and the street children who were killed
they say they are street children as if that is their fault and as if for that they deserve to die

the rich dont care

they dont care for the blood shed
all they care for is if a building got burned or a material thing got touched
but they do not value the lives that are lost

the rich dont care

i think its disgusting not to even have a stance with ur heart
not to take the side of justice not even with ur heart

they walk around in expensive clothes they live in huge houses and their hearts are so cold
they are so blinded

they really do not care

no its not democracy to respect their opinion
because when u are for murder and inhumanity
you are not worthy of respect

sadly so many people i know dont care if a man is killed for asking for a better life
just because he is poor uneducated or even looks messy

the rich dont care

She is with God

2011-09-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

at the hussein mosque she came in wearing big loose black garments and a veil like all the women there were dressed
she oozed so much confidence
and strong will
she was big and full of life like a warrior of light

she was so strong
like a fighter like no one can stand in her way
the man at the door wanted to take her shoe and give her a number like everyone else
but she refused
she said i wont take a number
she put her shoe on the shelf and with a loud strong voice she said
im with God

she went to the tomb of al Hussein the grand son of my beloved prophet
and she started singing poetry of sufi love
praising the prophet his grandson and all his family
praising the sufis GOD and the seekers of light

she took away all my sadness
she sang like she did not care what anyone thought
everyone gathered and cried
she touched all our souls
she was different and confident
like a thousand men could not stand in her way

like a million women were inside her abaya
like a warrior of light
she took us all in a sufi trance

she made me realize why this land is so precious
because its full of light and spirituality
so many poor people tied closely to God
the egyptians are originally mystics
the egyptian muslims are mostly sufis
don't fear the fundies the warriors of light will win
because they pray from the heart
and from them true peace can fill the land

this land is worth it
this land is full of light
and the sufis will not stop singing

today i met a woman who said im with God
and no one can stand in her way

evolution revolution

2011-09-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

if you keep fighting it you will gain nothing
its part of the spiritual evolution

so many angels on this earth right now
here to take us higher
here to change us

all the experts know about 2012 and how much it will be so much better for us

all the tyrants have no place
all of those who were swiming in cash are drowning now
or finding shores where their cash means nothing

you can fight it
you can blame the u.s and isreal for everything on earth
but you can also embrace the change
you can realise its good

your soul knows it
you can stop using ur monkey brain
you can open your heart
your soul wants to evolve too

let it

God is so close
you are connected to him know it or not
believe in him or not he created you and the world as you know it

the old ways of running after money and power will not work anymore

yes your life was comfortable but now is the time to feel for the rest of those on the sinking boat

we can keep crying for the few we think are now unjustly in jail
we can keep falling into hate and misery and fight the waves of change

but its happening so you might as well surf
you might as well let it go and let the meant to be happen

if you were attached to the material world
you will have nothing
find God inside you
yes its not like hollywood and all the cool things that make talking about him geeky
but you know what? God is here and he is great and so much light came from him and his angels

maybe its time you realise the practical and mundane are lame

or not

but everyone else is embracing the light
im not judging you
you are the only one still suffering
we all suffered from fear but now we are happy and we realized the impermenance of our material enviroments
stay in the freak out zone

we will find the light
and we will be dancing in circles with the angels while you dread the change and how things did not go ur way

we will be high while you keep smiling at the instability saying i told you so

but we are not shortsighted we know its part of the evolution to go through some instability and guess what we are not glued to the news

and guess what there is no me and you
there is no us and them
there is no concpiracy either

because we are all one we are all divine because we are all him and he is inside each of us and the skies tie us on this earth into one
and if you open your eyes you will see so much beauty and if you close your eyes you will see even more light and beauty

love and peace on you

The science of pain

2011-09-15T11:25:00.010-07:00

Pain comes on slowly it gets stronger and stronger and stronger until you can not bear it any longer
then pain has to faDe slowly cuz that's how pain works
They say endure it
Pain teaches you the blessing of not having it
Pain is mostly from stress
The mind can't handle it
so it manifests
in an aching part of ur physical body

Pain has to go away
It makes you suffer
And from that you grow
and learn about the pains of others
You then relate
Pain is a club a dark one that makes you bond

You know exactly how it is for those
who are going through what you went through
Pain teaches you about impermanence
Makes you decide to detach or else die and get it over with

Pain and patience go hand in hand
Nobody wants to talk about pain

When pain leaves peace of mind rests and suddenly you are so close to GOd
As if the demons in your head caused the pain

and at other times the pain itself brings you close to GOD
Pain is not fair but it's a great teacher that leaves scars and gives you stories to share

Pain is very close to pleasure
When the pleasure is absent then comes pain
teaching us to leave the game
And find a safer place
where there is no pleasure and no pain

Don't be a magnet to the pain
Pain chooses his victims like they are waiting to suffer

Don't go through another's pain
Help but don't feel it
You will get your share so don't bleed twice

Be the strong rock instead

Pain is part of human life
We can't escape it

Pain is a harsh good teacher

But I thank GOd for the pain cuz it taught me about blessings of peace of mind

But the worst kinds of pains are pains of the heart
Keep the heart happy and pure cuz sooner or later pain will visit and the heart needs to be peaceful and away from pleasure

Love is painful
So even in love rise moderately and don't fall hard
So the bruises don't give you too much pain

Cairo post rev

2011-09-13T02:33:00.000-07:00

I love people watching
I go out to cafes to see what everyone is up to
What they are saying
And from that i understand how things are in a place

Yesterday at night in tabasco cafe
A young man of artistic nature ordered a coffee and wanted to light a cig in the closed space
I asked if he doesn't mind waiting till I leave since me and my baby we can't breath

He was understanding
He waited and gave me the right of oxygen

His two girl friends came in and hugged him cuz he just came from Alex
They really missed him

He had so Much art to show them in his notebook and many interesting stories to tell them about life in Alex
They were all liberal, wearing jeans and t shirts very Egyptian and very proud
Two strong women who felt like they were taking care of him
He was so slim he doesn't eat much
So they laughed and ordered their own lunch

He started telling his stories his sad stories
He was loud and we were the only ones there

I told them I hope you guys don't mind that I can hear everything you are saying
I am entertained but I want to have your permission to continue listening
They laughed so much and apologized
I explained that I'm loving it
They went on to telling their story

he talked about Alexandria
that Alex has become another gaza
Beards and long cloaks everywhere
All the workers are dressed in the typical Islamic garments and the army is creating an environment of hostility

He said things are much worse in Alex

You see Alexandria has always been more conservative
And after the fall of the Islamic phobic regime the Saudi influenced people are shining now and it's like they are all out of the closet

Even here in Cairo
Suddenly the long messy beards have grown out of the once shaved faces of men I used to know who worked at the store
I realized they were always religious but Mubarak made them hide it since they could have been arrested
Anything forbidden is more interesting
They forbade religion and made it so wrong that now it's freedom showing that you are very religious

I believe religion is inside us
But I believe people should be able to dress and look the way they want to

The young man told his girlfriends that two of his Friends died in Alex
I was shocked they are young
He said one died from a heart attack in his apartment
The other from an overdose

Many people are dying from heart attacks these days
I could relate some of the nights of the revolution I could have easily lost my life too
My heart was almost stopping from fear of the thugs and gunfire of the old regime

I wondered if the islamists rule will these friends be able to meet again and sit together and laugh
Will they be able to wear short sleeves and touch as they talk

I started remembering how we look at the way Egyptians used to dress at the king Farouk times
we never know if the way we dress now will be remembered as the good old days of freedom
thats if the islamists rule

then i said no
the liberals are here
they wont let it go
the voice of the fundies is high
but they are a minority

the sufis and the liberals are still here
we egyptians are faithful by nature
faith is part of our being
so its natural for religion to play a role

but freedom and arts are also parts of us

i dont wanna be obsessed with the islamist boogiman like my fellow x regime lovers
i dont wanna be paralysed by fear from the lack of security

life will go on
art will go on
if i paint and the worker works and the singer sings
maybe life will be better here
it already feels way better

just now i was overhearing a group of people forming an alliance to help egypt
loud people who are passionate and a bit annoying are discussing the future of the country which is awesome

there is a buzz
and it is exciting

Juliet and mars

2011-09-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

If men are from mars
And women are from Venus
Why on earth do they live together

Mars is cold
Venus is warm

Mars is happy alone for long intervals
Venus loves company

Mars doesn't notice so many details
Venus is aware of every little thing and it touches her psyche

Venus listens
Mars interrupts

Venus is spiritual and dreamy
Mars is practical and earthly.

Mars is a desert
Venus is a forest

Mars is cold and sarcastic
Venus is warm and empathic

Why do mars and Venus decide to live on earth together

They come from opposite worlds and only before sharing a bed does it seem like the 2 worlds can coexist

Why do they come from different worlds if they were meant to live together

And why did Romeo not mention the cave when he fell in love with Juliet

The city is charming

2011-09-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

The city is charming until u have a baby
And it becomes overbearing
The pollution
The filth
The dirt
The dust
The traffic
The lack of nature

Cairo is not meant for children but rather adventurous young couples or single women and men
Living the urban dream
Living the rustic way

Dear Cairo
I love u but to me u have eXpired

New Cairo

2011-09-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

There is another world out there for
X cairenes who chose the cleaner life and escaped the city
They chose the suburbs
Young families with young children moved to the sprawling city
In gated compounds they live in greenery
With less pollution and their children can run free

They have malls like the rest of the world
I visited mall of Arabia today and I even found rich women in the abaya and loose hair like in Dubai
Shops like gimberee gap zara home oysho and more make me feel home and that if I need something I don't have to travel

Spinnies opened there and the experience is world class

It's so nice to see Egyptians in uniforms working just like the people of the world
And this tome they smile more and have more hope
If only the people in the cafes won't smoke
a much the experience would be worldly.

Yes it's exciting to see Egypt embracing modernity with local brands like Mobaco concrete and beonos offering services like international
competitors

I was celebrating in mall of Arabia

The old city has it's charm back in Cairo but it sure is nice to walk without crooked sidewalks
To be surrounded by clean new infrastructure

To see kids running free and families having their rights to breath and be themselves not worrying about what the bawab will say or even if the elevator is still not working

New clinics new schools wider roads lovely compounds a sense of community and hope for Egypt

Yes I love 6 of October and I wish I was part of that world

dear egypt

2011-09-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

please seek the turkish model
please leave the persian trouble

please for the love of God be better

youre always beautiful nomatter how dirty they make you and how instable you are im safer here then anywhere
cuz here is love cuz here is family cuz here i will make it

glowing lights

2011-09-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

glowing lights came to me last night
shaping lovely patterns and some flickering wings
across a black background glowing colors started dancing

its been a tough ride
finally im home again with lights

ramadan never do i wanna leave u again
pleaese GOd dont let me go so far
i need to be around everything that reminds me of my ramadan

next time we will be together with my sisteers and mother
i wont just leave again in the best time to stay

glowing lights said so

little things

2011-08-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

little things mean so much
things that might mean nothing to others means so much to us
The mad lovers

a scene might not get to them but to us it can traumatize us for a life time
flowers mean the world to us
words of love and compliments with details
taking your time with words

long gazes and eye contact
putting us first always
not bringing in other names
not even mentioning other creatures

thats how we are we are selfish with our lovers
we want it like the movies

we are ambitious
we cant just be happy like our mothers
we want more

we want to be part of the decision maing process
we want transparency
and equality
we want to be treated like we deserve the world and more

we want to be missed even if its one night
we want to be told so
we want to be like the lovers of the shakespeareian tales

we want the stars and the sky
and everything between the earth and the stars to feel like its ours

we want to be sacred
like nothing you have seen
like we are unique and our bodies are temples

we want to be looked at for a long time

and our efforts and hard work need to be acknoledged
we want to know that we are the true love and not just the settlement destination

we want to be your best friend
and your dream and your forever
we want to be protected by you like we deserve only the best scenario so long as you can give it

even if you lie about it
lie in favor of making us feel like goddesses of beauty

even if you have seen more beauty say that we are the only ones you have seen

even if your dying to take that call shut the phone
even if you mean nothing by complimenting others hold it in and keep the compliments to us alone
yes we are selfish lovers
and when we go mad cuz so many times we do hold us tight and say how much you love us and respect us and that in your life time you
have never loved so much

let your gaurd down
cry a little
get down on your knee and say you want to live forever with us
say we want to share each detail and plan

dont become the enemy
Be a mad lover

Love gives wings

2011-08-29T19:13:00.001-07:00

http://www.ascendyourself.com/node28.php

2011-08-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

Earth is tough
No doubt in that
It's sometimes fun but over all it's not a fun ride
When u truely look at it you will realize how easy it could be for people to quit on stuff
Giving up sucks but sometimes it's simpler and way more relaxing

a culture of sadness

2011-08-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

i turn on the egyptian channel
yet i am in california
and oh my God
the soap opera
the mother is crying holding her daughter
saying words that could not be translated in english

our culture in egypt is so sad
sadness is just our way and the common ground
yes there is humor
but the overriding feeling is sadness

sadness is a culture in egypt
even after the joy of the revolution all i could do was cry for the martyrs

in california people are not afraid to say they are happy
maybe its because they really are

the government makes sure most of them are
they can walk around
they have pavements
sidewalks
they have trees
they have parks around every neighborhood so the people can enjoy

they have rights
they feel like human beings like they are worthy
and at the coffee house the stranger opens the door for me and gives me his place in line

he says you go first
i thought everything was a struggle and here everyone is being nice
a new movement here started by a local called daymaking
which is an attempt to make a strangers day and do something nice for no rewards other than a desire in a better world
so its like paying it forward everyone is trying to make everyone else's day
walking down the street i am greeted by nice people who wish me a great day

in egypt the beggars only wish me stuff and they want money
they say may God keep you
i once told a beggar but i don't wanna just be around, pray something better like God bless you or wish me happiness or anything who says i wanna just be around forever

here in california
in the street
there are
smiling people
full of hope
and its a happy culture

back home we are mostly sad
traffic can steal any joy out of us
everyone is out there to share the misery
we have even grown closer in misery
because we have it as a common feeling

and we have no idea what is next
our government is capable of screwing us over to the limit that we can not imagine
we have zero trust
we are traumatized
we took our lives into our own hands

we are so happy when we see a policeman
we wanna dance in joy that they decided to work again

when we travel we always say what a clean place
because it not that clean in our street
but cleanliness is like a given everywhere else

and then again i look around and i feel the joy of the people here
yes many have gone mad and walk around yelling stuff but the majority are happy motivated and hopeful

the egyptians are like orphans
the government has abandoned them so those of them who can went and tried to get adopted by those who value their children
canada and america

everyone wants dual citizenships
because another passport gives you more humanity
your price goes up

until the revolution came along and now saying im egyptian here in california tastes so much better
thanks to tahrir square we have a better name here and everywhere

but what exactly is going on back home i dont know
all i know is that i wanna say im egyptian here and it feels way better than saying it last year

but our culture is a sad one and it might be an eastern thing that the tears flood like waterfalls
my people have seen so much injustice and pain and neglect its only normal to be so sad
even if you are rich having poor and sick people around you will depress you
having so much ignorance and sickness and poverty around you is bound to get you down

we are stuck with so much love to our land
love that hurts
love that makes us sad
love that makes us come back
they say build and we will
but its the sadness that will take so much time to erase and the trust that will take ages to build
and the people who need new bodies new skins new minds to start fresh and to forget the ways they have been treated

we take everything into our hands
because we have zero faith in our government
we keep trying to live in a place that is just perfect for dying

but there is hope and life will go on

maybe its an arabian thing to carry sadness within
ours is a culture of sadness

2011-08-27T21:27:00.001-07:00

"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free."
— Rumi

Harem

2011-08-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

No we are not the maids you hired
Neither are we the prostitutes you ordered
No we are not second class

No I will not walk after you
No I will not be silent when I can speak for myself
No I am not less just because im a woman
No I am not less just because I am young

No I will not be an object of desire
No I will not be weaker
No I will not play dumb

I will shine because my light is on

No I will not dim it so I don't make anyone feel uncomfortable

Yes I am strong I have lived before I was even fine
I don't need to be under your rule

My job is not to look pretty and obey
My job is not just to be a good girl

No you do not own me
You are not the boss of me

And I refuse to be treated like a second class citizen

because of my age sex or color

My accent is beautiful I don't néed to change it

I will speak whatever language I feel like speaking

I will sing in English Arabic and Italian

I will blog I will paint I will walk and I know where I am going

I will be brave because I owe it to my daughter
I brought her into the world so she can see a strong role model not a disappearing shado

No I will not become a clone
No I will not mold my self to fit in

I'm Pretty much whole the way I am
I love how I am and I won't transform into a half to fit the puzzle

No I'm not just a goodgirl who does not make trouble

We are not babies

We carry them

We are not objects

We are capable just like you

We are smart and sometimes even more spiritual and sensitive

We are capable of multitasking

And putting ourselves in The shoes of others

No I will not nod and be quiet
No I won't walk behind you and follow

I am whole I am great because I am an EGyptian womAn

The harem is not my place nature is my mother and I am a child of God
And for that I am beautiful and proud I will stand up straight and my head will be high because I am not ashamed of my sex my race or my religion

Shahrazad

apple heaven

2011-08-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

steve jobbs is all over the news
the reason the apple name is golden and this company is so great
is that its not about making money only

apple is so much more than just a company or brand
today i am in palo alto california and i am in the same city that steve jobbs lives in

i saw his house its close to where i am staying
its big and wonderful but its also humble down to earth and it blends in with nature
its nothing showy or too fancy
a man who can build a golden palace and rub it in all our faces knows life is not about showing off ur wealth
but rather living in the place that makes you comfortable and happy don't get me wrong it is beautiful and big but it is reasonable and lovely too

today my apple phone died on me so i went in the amazing apple store
a store that is beaming with light full of life
full of young and old people who all wanna be part of the apple revolution

apple is not just a smart brand its artistic its free it symbolizes all the things i believe in

i was stranded in the store: no phone, no car and no idea how to reach my husband
the apple genius and thats what the people who work there to help you understand the apple products more
showed me where the phones are
and i looked to my right i found a table with apple phones being charged and so inviting they all stand shiny and new

i asked the genius: but these phones are not for everyones use are they?
he said yes they are
i asked him: is it for free?
he said yes
now i started getting greedy as i thought of all the international calls i have been making
so you can even make international calls?
he laughed and said yes
i was shocked and i asked and its also for free?
he said yes as he took my i phone to fix it

i stood there amazed for a few seconds and i looked around the store
and i understood what all the fuss is about
its abundance
apple is being so kind so inviting
you can use the internet you can use facebook you can check your mail you can play games you can
make calls you can enjoy apple at the store and you are surrounded by so many people who are willing to help you understand apple better

the phone could not be fixed so the man just gave me a new one
without even telling me he will
like its so easy to be generous

i was so happy
it was like i was in apple heaven

i looked behind him and i saw a homeless lady come in
with white hair so long and tangled it touched the floor
with a hunch back
with so many bags
she looked exactly like the which in snow white
even she felt welcomed
she put her bags under the desk and started using the computer
i recognized her she lives on university avenue

for me it was unbelievable how nobody even looked at her
not even a glance
not the employees not the customers

she stayed there
i left and thanked the apple geniuses
and i booked an appointment to learn how to create a website
to use the garageband
and the i videos too

the place is always busy
the apple store is like apple heaven

next time i go i will call my mother in egypt
its apple heaven and everything is possible

i wish steve jobbs health because the world needs him around
he is such a great inspiration
a modern day hero

"stay hungry,stay foolish" steve jobbs

2011-08-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

Have u ever wanted something so bad that you don't want it anymore?
That's me
I don't care anymore
I don't want anything
I am tired
I'm sick of all the struggling
I give up

fighting to stay

2011-08-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

it feels like im fighting for my life
my desire to stay here
to breath good air
to be safe
for basic needs to be met
for higher potential to be fulfilled

my soul is happy here
finally im free

im fighting for my life
for the right to walk

it feels like dying
thinking of going back

no i do not want to go back to sitting around on my ass all day
no i do not want to be stuck in traffic just to see my mother

no i do not want help
no i do not want to be the madam
to order maids and have so many middle men
although its a blessing
it is also a curse

i can not be the boss of them
i can only be the boss of me

the barriers i should keep
the boundaries i should keep
the proffesionalism is hard for me
since i can only be myself
i can only be a friend

i can not build walls around my self

i want to walk in nature
i want to stay
and have a place for my baby to play
for me to lay

i want to stay

dear egypt i love u
but no i do not miss you

oh God let me stay
i know i was meant to stay

now is my time
let me live

i will fight for staying
like one fights for their right to live
because to me here is life
and im finally feeling alive

I believe in angels

2011-08-24T18:37:00.001-07:00

I believe Palestine and isreal should move on kiss n make up and live as friends like they did before in Jerusalem I believe in love 4 land but I think the whole border idea is an illusion created by those who trade weapons! wars are all a work of the weapon industry the people of the world are all fooled into ideas of borders differences hate race and sex while the truth is we are all one and the earth is our home the divine created us equal I believe that angels come once called upon I believe that we are all familiar and that the fastest way to connect with people is to laugh n dance with them

now that i can breath they say i have to leave

2011-08-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

just when i found my place in the world
just when i feel like im finally home
where i can fit
although my heart aches with love to my land
but here im free and i want to stay

i just started breathing and now he speaks of leaving
i just started to live and they say i must go back
i just found my freedom but they said i must come back

although i feel my destiny telling me this is the place for me
im even more beautiful here

i have a place to walk right here
i have a place in the world in here
i do not have to be scared of my own government
i do not have to fear thugs coming my way in here.

here i know that the police will protect me and my baby

here i know that i can speak my mind and not worry about being arrested

here its not weird to say hi to strangers because no one is a stranger
here it is not a fault to be friendly

here i ate with the muslims the christians and the jews

here everyone is my friend
here there is grass and sun
here the trees talk to me and i want to hug each tree
and kiss the ground and thank God for creating such beauty

here they have empowered me
gave me rights and i can breath

here i can be myself and i fit in with those who are fre
here i can dance in the street and take care of my self
here i can sing outloud
here i can be free

here i paint
here i do yoga
here i walk miles of independence

i love egypt but it seems to me like it is the place i wanna die in not live in

the stress level might not be getting to my friends but to me i confess i have been traumatized

since the nights where the police decided its ok to let the prisoners out
when they decided the people of egypt need to learn their lesson for speaking their minds and they cut the phone lines and internet

you might be stronger than me but i cant live like that
every day a new scary story on the local news

of people being kidnapped
and our neighbors in syria and libya being killed one after another
the days of hitler are back
the world sands still

innocent people are killed

and the selfish coward that i am does not want to go back
yes i want to be an atlantic away from all that scares me

yes i want to be where a government is well established
where the people can speak their minds

where having help is not the norm
where democracy is practiced
where the police protects the people and does not terrorize them
where my baby can play
where my baby can eat good food and breath good air
where nobody judges me all the time and interferes with my lif

my time is now
let me live
When I die i wanna say i have lived

as opposed to stayed home on the sofa all day
as opposed to just pleased all the people i should please all the time
those people have lived

let me live too

i want to be happy as opposed to terrified all the time
i want to walk the streets as opposed to cough from everyones cigerette in my face

i want to be free
let me
give me a chance
you owe it to me
if you want to see me die slowly every single day
take me back to the tomb called my land

yes i love it to death but to me it means death

now that i can breath they say i have to leave

just when i started to shine they want to take me away back to the dark
where i dry out like a dried dead flower

let me find my way
let me stay
for Gods sake let me stay
let me live

freedom is my right

artists

2011-08-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

you see i dont mean to be mean
or to be self involved
to be an artist i must
or else what would i paint about

things we feel on the sphere of artists and more spirtiual people
and when i say spiritual i mean it
are far more intense
so subtle hatred can be felt because the radar is so sensitive in here

love is well appreciated
neglect is not tolerated
hitlar fans are not welcomed
the german way and no offense to the germans
but the typical german way of law and order is just not possible for us

music and authenticity are welcomed
real people and real emotions are embraced

and nature is deeply apppreciated
love for artists and i speak about my self and my fellow artist is sacred

if love is practical and treated like a routine job it is not needed

loyalty is to extremes a
artists see the chemistry that is willing to spark between the two sexes

artists are on another frequency
dancers
singers
musicans
painters

i realize there are those artists who are cold speak very little and are extremely practical

but im talking about the artist that lives an artistic life
that treats each moment with sacredness
and yes they suffer more
and yes they enjoy more

but artists hurt deeper and feel more to their cores
food is art
love is art
every relationship is a dance and motherhood is a heavenly bond

God is in everything
Sufis too
they live in a trance

its hard to be from that world and deal with people floating in a realistic blaze frequency
their words will hurt
their dos will hurt
their ways will hurt
they will not understand your tears
they will not comprehend your need to connect wit the devine
they will not comprehend the measures to take for love
or the deep need fr independence and complete freedom that you have

they will not understand your interest in people of all cultures and your need to help them
they will not understand how much it affects you when you are surrounded by a negative vibe
or a controller
or someone who wants to mold you into the ordinary

i am nothing
for i came from dust
yet i am everything because inside me is the breath of God
and i am form him
therefore i am great and im worth saving
i am worth being happy and i am worth doing what i feel like doing as long as i do not hurt another being

i cant live with sadness arrogance insensitivity and tyrants
i cant live without my freedom and my rights to love till the end

whats mine is mine whats yours is yours
im from God
just like the birds in the sky
like the tree and the skies

have you seen a bird who has been trying to crawl?
she knows she was meant to fly
she will not be happy crawling
thats why i fly because i can
because i have to
because im an artist and im proud
no apologies

from tousa with love

She said

2011-08-19T08:49:00.001-07:00

She said I had reasons to cry
That my sadness was not insanity after all
She said my instincts were right
She said I won't end up like my ancestors
She said I should not shut my mind
She said my baby girl will be strong
God sent her when I had no one
She was there for support
She was the only one who said I'm right
And boy how i needed to hear that
She said all the things that made my heart rest
She said it all and I went home thankful for my sanity
And that she supported me when everyone else doubted me
She said I have rights

Sun salutation

2011-08-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

We were supposed to be dripping with love and romance
The sun kisses my soul and makes it feel ok
Remembrance and surrender are my only way
If these feelings are demons I must still accept myself and love myself
Seeing such beautiful trees makes me feel home
God is not only in Egypt he is everywhere
All I want is to walk and love and dance
All I Want is freedom and respect
All I want is to worship and to lay on the grass
All I want is to love till the end not half way

Shahrazad will fly

2011-08-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

Let me fly that's what I was born to do
Let me fly I can't live in a cage anymore
Let me fly I need to flap my wings and roam so high
Let me fly I can not be an extra anymore
Let my light shine take away all the shades
and let me shine even if your eyes can't handle it
Let me run free and then I can fly

Let me fly and when I fly I will fly so high
Let me dream and don't laugh at my dreams they mean a lot to me
Let me cry my tears fall down easily and I'm proud
Don't make me apologize for who I am
Don't take away my accent and don't take away my roots

Let me touch the stars I know I can
Don't cut my wings just because you can
Give me a chance if GOd gave you that power
I need to blossom
It's my time not theirs
They have lived Before and it's my first time
Let me fly if I don't fly I die
And I'm too young to die

Let me taste this sky I feel an angel on my shoulder telling me soon I will fly

Shahrazad rebels

2011-08-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

No I wont obey and apologize for things I believe are my rights

The women of EGypt have suffered much
The women of EGypt have said too little

No I won't be silent again
No you can not treat me like a child

No I won't be just an object

Yes I will die on that hill

No I won't just take the drugs to silent my mind
No you can't cut my wings

No I won't sit there and wait
Until you come and make things right

No I won't be dragged around
No I won't be treated like I'm less
No I won't just cry in the backround while you blossom
No I do not have to blend with the background
No I do not have to be silent just because I'm a woman
Yes I can speak my mind.
Yes I can take care of my self and my baby
Just like I carried her for nine months I can also make decisions
Yes I have rights of information
Because I'm not a little girl you can lead

I will die on that hill
I will not wait for death and the castles in heaven
I can be happy here today if only you give me a chance
To live my own life not the life they think is appropriate
To make my own choices.
To have my sovereignty so I can blossom.

Today I'm not the same anymore because the world is changing and I won't allow them to treat me like my aunt my mother and my grandmother were treated.

I will die on that hill

Shahrazad rebels

It's nice

2011-08-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

It's Nice to be able to walk with your baby and to know that all the other cars will protect you not run you over
it's good to be in a country where the police genuinely protect the people where the ambulance actually saves people and is there when needed
where women are not second class citizens
where you can speak your mind and not worry about being arrested
where taking care of your child without having a live in nanny is normal and You won't be judged for actually taking care of your own kid
where you can do things yourself and the food you eat you can trust and tap water is not cancerous but actually good for your teeth and better than bottled water
it's nice to be treated like a human being and thanks to tahrir square it's nice to say ur Egyptian in a country like California

Sovereignty

2011-08-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sovereignty a word I learned lately here in California.
Turns out it's what I need to be happy and free.

Mubaraks trial

2011-08-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

First I was sad for some odd reason to see my x president in a cage
Then I saw his dyed hair
The nose picking
The bed
And I realized it's not that he is on trial
It's that he is in a cage ,on a bed
Too dramatic
Too humiliating
And manipulative for the naive public that is me

My imagination went to this:
X president: so what do they want now?
Y: they wanna see you on trial behind bars
X: is it not enough all we have done
Y:this is what it will take for them to calm down
X:after all I have done for them
Y: they have been possessed by an evil power but don't worry we will protect you
X: I am a war hero for GODs sake
Y: we all know but the dogs won't stop barking until you are on trial and it's good for our global image
X: isn't it enough all the chaos that happened since I left don't they see why I held a tight grip on them,the islamists are out and they will take over, anyway I will do it for Egypt but I will be on my bed and I want my sons with me
Y: the bed is a great idea that will get the publics sympathy most people love you
X: I do not care anymore history will prove my innocence
Y:yes sir

And thats my humble scenario and I think the worst part of it is our judicial system putting people in cages during a trial instead of having
them seated like human beings in their own clothes until proven guilty

Kids and words we say

2011-07-29T00:58:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how kids remember what we say
it shapes them and forms them
We must be careful what kind of statements we say
They are learning 24 /7 from our hidden and obvious messages through our behavior and choices
It's one thing to tell them stuff but we do with our lives teaches them how they should live
They believe everything we say
They have faith in us
They believe in us
The way we punish them teaches them about life
And how they should act in distress
The way we love teaches them about relationships
The way we yell or teach them firmly teaches them about the ways they should act
When we smile they learn to smile
When we look in their eyes they feel worth while
And when they fall and we are scared they learn about fear
They are mirrors of their caregivers
And everything we say is part of their making and they remember it forever
Be careful what you tell children that's where they learn about life

Ramadan I will miss you when I leave

2011-07-28T03:01:00.000-07:00

Leaving my people when they need Me the most
Leaving my family in the holy month
Leaving my culture my tradition my religious rituals behind
And off to the land of freedom where there is Notrace of ramadan or the familiar faces
No tahrir square
No old regime
Where democracy is well established
Where freedom of speech is a practiced right
Leaving all the familiar and crossing the Atlantic to a place that's just perfect
But my heart is here where I'm needed the most here by the beach of my Egypt
Family duty calls a cross of the Atlantic trip but in a time when I'd rather stay and suffer with the ones I love
If I can chose between a clean life away from loved ones
Or a chaotic undemocratic unsafe one with my mother and on my mother land
I choose the messy life with my loved ones
Yes I complain and at times my heart almost stops from fear
But my heart is here where life started on my land with my people who suffered for ages
My heart is in this dirt and in this place where freedoms are burried
My heart is here where everyone is in your business and in Ramadan friends and family gather
My heart Is here where everyone knows my name at the store and in the coffee shop that we all need so much
My heart is here where I can't breath from pollution
My heart is here where I cant speak my mind and I might be arrested for blogging
My heart is here but I gotta go only for a month I guess! but im leaving at a time when I don't know how it will be when I return

2011-07-26T05:31:00.000-07:00

عزبة خيرالله neglected slums behind maadi raise awareness raise money
Tousa Mia t shirt brand profits go to the initiative starting today pls donate money or buy a funky tshirt and help the forgotten people of Egypt tousa mia t shirts are handmade hand painted one of a kind and perfect for the beach and yoga comfy and hippy like only for free people

When the lights go off

2011-07-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

When the lights go off and its pitch black
I was afraid I was paralyzed
I wanted to get up and move to scream for help
But fear made me stay in the box like bed
And I felt like I was dead
Worst thing about the feeling of death is not being able to communicate
With those you love
Like that day in Cairo when the mobile services were stopped
And the Internet was also stopped by the gov the evil old regime
It was like a mini death we could not reach those we love or speak our mind or use the Internet
Last night I was afraid of death of not being able to say what u wanna say to be stuck in a dark place
But I remembered GOd and I started saying some prayers and it made my heart happy
Remembrance always helps me
الا بذكر الله تطمان القلوب

its not spoiling its attachment parenting

2011-07-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Attachment parenting:

a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well being. Less sensitive and emotionally available parenting or neglect of the child's needs may result in insecure forms of attachment style, which is a risk factor for many mental health problems. In extreme and rare conditions the child may not form an attachment at all and may suffer from reactive attachment disorder as defined in DSM-IV and ICD-10. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.

revolution mom

2011-07-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

cetain things must be clear
it is not appreciated that all the passers by decide that i need their advice about parenting
and i did not ask to hear about their story of how they had everything perfect and i should learn
no i wont spoil my baby if i carry her all the time because i think babies cant be spoiled and they need to be held
holding a baby is not wrong a sin or weird especially if the baby is yours
there is nothing wrong with taking care of your own baby
in our crazy culture it is the norm that the nanny does everything and the mom sits and relaxes

after a time of national stress where we had zero security i think it is legitimate that you hold those you love as much as you want especially if they are tiny and helpless, especially if you worked so hard to get them

why is it anybodys buisness if you wanna love your baby, sleep with your baby, hold your baby, or take care of your baby
its not like you are hurting anyone
its called love
is love weird now in Egypt ?

people give me looks cuz i take her on errands on her sling they say her place is home with her nanny
i disagree and i think im free to be as loving and as attached as i want
when it comes to babies everyone is an expert

a new mom has to smile and nod
and say i will consider that thanks

but me no i wont

because its revolution time and we can be free and speak our minds

revolution mom

حلبنتيشي :ازاي ً أعيش فيكي

2011-07-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

حبك صعب عليا
ازاي اقدر ارتاح فيكي لما الفساد مليكي
ازاي أعيش فيكي لما الناس اللي بيحموكي
و بيحموني همه الليي بعوكي و بعوني
اقل حق من حقوقي أني أنام في أمان
حكم ألغابه صعب يكمل
ربنا مش حيسيب حقنا

لما يكون في طغيان يطبش بهم و سعتها كله حيبان
اصحاب الحق في الميدان و اناجبان باكل و بنام
همه فكرين ان بجد في امل الدنيا تنظف بجد
بس الفللولي
عجباه كده عايز يعديها و يطنش
عايز يكمل علي اي كلام مش عايزها بجد تنظف
خائف جبان
بس أصحابنا في الميدان احلمهم اكبر
أنا جبانه و مروحتش بس بحترمهم

خلي الفللولي يقول خربوها اهل الميدان
اصلوا مش عارف مين اللي بيببني و مين اللي بيخرب

dont bail on me now

2011-07-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

she came to me tonight and said the words i did not want to hear
thoughts of running away keep coming to my head
but she came and said dont bail on me now
dont bail on me when i need you the most
you can fix me
stay and fix me they dont need you there
dont bail on me when i need you the most
i thought of safety and how my baby needs it now
my mission now is not patriotic but rather motherly
i have to take care of a tiny person
she said but wht about me?
after all the years of abuse you will leave too?
i told her i am a coward who loves you to death but loves her baby more
im not giving up on you but loving you has become my heartache
leaving you is like leaving my heart behind i want to fix you but i have a tiny life to protect
im so sorry
im a coward who only hid and fled and left
and now that i am here i keep thinking of another life somewhere safer and more comfortable
somewhere where i can breath
but i will always love you and i will come to your beaches that is if i can make it and leave
your love is ripping me apart
she said if you all leave me now who will fiix me?
if all those who can make a difference leave who will fix me?
i cried in silence as she said dont bail on me now when i need you the most
she said her children died for her and i cant even live in her
i cried in fear and said i am so sorry i am a coward but i do love you
im a coward whether i leave or stay im not in the square
she said in the squRE or NOT DONT BAIL ON ME NOW

قصيدة اختي

2011-07-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

يا حبيبي ترى ماذا تفعلون
أتحت التراب بعدكم ترقدون؟
أم في السماء احرار تحلقون ؟
أتسمع بكائي ودعائي أم نحن واهمون؟

جراحكم أمنها تنزفون ؟
رصاصهم أباقي في العيون؟
صرختكم، أبعدكم تهتفون؟
بلادكم، كيف عنها كنتم تائهون؟

يا حبيبي
ترثيك الامه
تنعيك الكلمه
تنفيك الكذبه
تحميك الدمعه
من النسيان

صبغت شوارع الميدان
بلون يأبى السلوان
شهدت أثار الانسان
أن من قتلك جبان

خلف السواد إستكان
بالقضاء والقصاص إستهان

يا حبيبي
أتنام وتنعم في حرير
أيصلك صوتي عبر الأثير
أترى دموعي كيف تسيل

أقسم لك بسم الام الامومه
بسم يتم الطفوله
بسم حق
أن من قتلك سيقتل و لو بعد حين
و إن أبكموا القضاء
واهدروا القصاص
واجهضوا الحماس
وأن ابدوا الناس

فلنا إلاه إسمه رب الناس
اللاه الناس
منتقم جبار
لا يرضى ظلم و لا جوار

يا حبيبي:
تسألني من قتلوك أبلذنب يشعرون؟
أم هم ذئاب بالدم يرتوون
للنوم كيف يخلدون
ولله كيف سيبعثون؟

يا حبيبي
تسألني عن هذا التأني السقيم ؟
عن هذا الريب المشين
عن هذا العذاب اللعين
ولا أجدعندي يقين
أن الذين على العدل قائمين
هم على العدل قائمين
وأن هم على ألحق قاسمين
هاملين اليمين والقسم العظيم

ولكن يبقى في قلبي إيمان
بأن للميدان إلة رحمان
يحميه من فوق عنان
هو ألحق العدل الرحمن

فيا مجلس القضاء
ويا مجلس العلاء
ويا من في الصمت أضعتمونا هباء
بما تفكرون؟
أن الله بغافل عما تمكرون

فلتنصروا الحق من أجل الأجيال
كل إلى زوال
شهره جاه ومال
قد كان حبيبي خير رجال
وإلاهي حق وعدل وجمال
فلا تكون اندال
لنا العزه بعد الاذلال
والحق معنا لا مجال
وأن يضيع الدم. هذا محال

By zaynab m hafez

combination not going well for me

2011-07-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

put together artist cancerian new mother nursing mother too attachment parent and you got yourself a recipe for tears that have no end to start and never stop just by the simplest words.

i sometimes wonder if i went to german school if it would have gave me a stronger facade to face the stones better

its not easy being all these things and it certainly brings too much emotion for one human body

exhasution from too much emotion is the result

will the leader of this revolution please stand up?

2011-06-30T04:45:00.000-07:00

we survived so many baltageya nights
and after we thought its over and things are fine now,
they let the dogs out again

my heart goes to the families of the martyrs
they should atleast feel like their loved ones died for a good cause not for chaos to spread and for thugs to rule

it is starting to feel like the thugs are the ruling power

it seems easy to end this bullshit and hang the thugs that are not commiting crimes for a cause other than spreading fear
and keeping our dear egypt in the chaos zone

we need a good leader
someone to lead tahrir square
to lead the youth and the counrty to the road of light

others had martin luther king, nelson mendela and ghandi

where is our leader?

are the police forces and thugs one hand?

where is our leader?

egypt is filled with great people will the real leader please stand up?

kelab balady

2011-06-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

e7na kelab balady felsefarat
netremy nestana belsa3at
3alashan passporna akhdar
nestana w neskot wntaty
yes2alouna ray7in leh wm3ana floos felbank ad eh
we7na ray7in netfasa7 wenafa3hom wnetsaya7

ezaher en tamana rehkees
enaharda fsfaret almania
a3at astana zay el kalba el balady
etmanet se3ry yeghla wykaramouny feblad tania
etmanet at3amil zay el amricany
7amat raby en benty 3andaha paspor tany

kont fakra en ba3d el thawra 7ay3amluni a7san fesfaret almania
bs estanet zay el kalba talat sa3at wmen wara beban 7adeed a3at be3ida 3an benty talat sa3at

e7na kelab balady felsefarat

i was hacked

2011-06-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

for some odd reason i have been hacked on fb, on my blog and on my gmail!
it felt like it was a cyber death if thats a thing
im back and i might not blog as much
but its just good to know i can

before my last post so many things were different
egypt was somewhere else
everyone said everything so i wont say much now
because we are all fed up
from random people saying random things
lets face it i am random people!

but its a time for change and i will start with the girl in the mirror!

xx

tell lara i love her

2010-11-15T11:58:00.000-08:00

a little girl i met lately
somehow she knows all the secrets to the world
somehow she knows nothing at all
but in the end she is so beautiful and all i can think f is how God will protect her

this world is crazy
we try to make sense of it but it is surreal

belly talk

2010-11-05T21:45:00.001-07:00

why is it totally fine for men to grow bellies?
big strong men with bellies enough to take twins in!
but once a woman grows a belly there must be a baby inside!

people look at the pregnant lady like she oozes beauty
while she feels nothing but fat and out of balance!

there is nothing sexy about being huge!
and fat is not the new thin!
and no matter how much you try,
you will gain weight on the scale!

indigestion, multiple trips to the bathroom through the night,
nausea and an emotional roller coaster is the price to having heaven at your feet!

in egyptian culture and based on islamic teachings it is beleived that heaven is at the mother's feet and i say it better be!

no one is more intorrigated in social occasions like a pregnant lady!
and she elicits many smiles from strangers like she is a cute puppy walking the street!
strangers will touch your stomache like it is their own !

strangers will ask you how many months are you? is it a boy or a girl? and what you want to name her?!

everyone thinks they are the first to ask and that you are not tired of answering!

no one considers that you do not wanna answer because maybe you do not know them enough!
or that you are tired of answering the same set of questions a thousand times.

a pregnant woman is subjected to so many questions in every social occasion and it can be exhausting!

everyone thinks they can judge the name you chose!
and even openly show disgust while you have not asked them if they like it or not!

everyone thinks they can tell you what to do
and that what you are doing is wrong!
and that they know what is best for you and for your child!

everyone thinks you want to hear their horror story of their pregnancy, misscarriage , labor or breast feeding!

everyone thinks you are open like some kind of public property just because you are pregnant!

and it is not enough that you are blowing up, people think you are ready to be told that you gained weight as if you did not know, and they will ask you how many pounds you put on exactly!

while many obese people are left without being judged, the pregnant lady is open to judgement.

other than the sweet: you are glowing!
people think it is nice to tell you that you look tired!

you do not go asking people for the details of their life but they will come after you if you have a pretruding belly.

you bump into things because your dimensions changed
little things drive you mad!

and being bigger in size is not a feminine journey of fun like many people think!
it is like a practical joke!

you sudednly own a bigger body and live the life of the unattractive!
and i tell you it is no fun !

size matters!

everyone is in your buisness even sales people, they think it is extremely cute
because it is not painful for them and does not make them sick in the morning!

everyone scares you with stories you did not want to hear!
you are stressed because they tell you it is gonna be the hardest thing you will ever go through!

so many books to read! so much education!

so many wrong advice!
so many subjective advice!
so much pressure!
so mush bossing around!

like this is a group project!

like you are the only one on earth like that!

life as you know it disappears once the crying little one arrives!

it must be scary but it is your story!
you should be comfortable and it is not a public affair!

tons of older aunts should not bombard you, watch you breast feed like a monkey in a cage!!

they comment on the baby's looks and feel it is their right to say "ugly baby" like it is endearing to say it!

visits become open! and around the clock! in the egyptian hospitals things are hostile!

flashlights of cameras of peoples' phones almost blind the poor babies eyes!

millions of extended family members and friends under tons of make up and in high heels storm the room and watch the poor mommy be tired and stressed!

i have seen it happen to my dearest friends!

it is no fun at all being the center of attention
when all you want is to run away to a quiet place with your little one
and hide from all the eyes and all the crowd!

it must be tough being a parent
but if the cats can do it and the cave girl did it, so can we!

society can be stupid like that!
insensitive like that!
and totally heavy on you and your belly!

beware pregnant belly you will be everyone's buisness whether you like it or not!
and when the little one comes the endless unasked for advice rains on you too!

goodluck with that!

and if it is a girl, since day one they pray for her good marriage,
talk about pressure!

in egypt everyone waits for the bride to announce her pregnancy
and they stare at her belly everytime she is seen
even before she is pregnant!

when she finally becomes with child
she is releived that she will not be asked anymore if she is pregnant or not!
finally no more pressure!
but so many other questions arise ofcourse!

once you have a girl they will say: so when will you try for the boy?
and once you have the boy they will ask you:
when will you try for the girl ?
and that you gotta start trying because: tick tock tick tock and time is running out!
and it never ends!

a bigger hand to hold on to

2010-10-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

in highschool i thought most things were up to me

and as life takes me from ride to ride i realize how much so little is up to us

you can prepare
think, pracice, give it your best but volcanoes errupt
and bombs explode
the earth shakes from under us and anything can happen at anytime

when you are younger you care less
you usually have parents to fear for and worry about most of the time.

but you do not cling so much to life.
you think it is simple.
and then you keep tying knots with people and hoping they are healthy.
good things happen to them.
you hope you stay here for them.
and that they do not get sick or hit by anything.

accidents scare you.
hospitals bring fear.
funerals are nightmares.
and you carry so much fear
like a backpack or worse like a hunch back.
you walk around with so much worry and love for so many.

you think how did the parents do it?
from labor to graduation to a whole line of different forms of worries.
so much love, so much worry.

and you think positively so good things happen.
but so many bad things happen around you.
so you look around and you try to change your ideas about good and bad.
life is unpredictable.
but we have a rope to God.
we pray and pray and feel safer some way.
some people do not beleive in that,
they float in space,
let them.

but i need God to know he is on my side
even if things do not go my way
even if he took so many people away
we are all bound to leave anyway
easy to say
but hard to accept
like old age and war and torture things i have no idea why they happen
but they do
along with disease and pain and the unfair circumstances
but along with all the negative
there comes love
miracles
angels
happiness
bliss
and joy

nobody has all the answers
we are made of thin threads
even the preachers collapse

your own wisdom lies inside

i found strength in 2 things
prayers and leaving my body seeing things from a distance like it is not me
being detached from my own self and even the circumstance
like watiching a movie that i star in
and i am not that affected

you think you are weak but you are strong
you think you will collapse but they all stood up again
even when they died life went on and their friends laughed again

structure and routine make babies and adults feel safe
prayers too and churches temples and mosques
finding the true self
leaving fear behind
and lots of yoga for me
it is a coping strategy

whatever you do express yourself
i read lately that having soups
instead of salads and wearing warm clothes
in the cold weather helps too
so stay warm, eat well, enjoy the times
when things are fine
because they are not meant to stay like that all the time.

remember God, your angels, your prayers so you do not come praying suddenly out of the wilderness after years of silence.
do not let it be awkward when you ask for things.

make friends with the maker of the game
mantras too they help so much
and kneeling down.

breathing is also a key take long breaths when in stress.
in and out it brings your anxiety down .
fool your body into relaxation mode.

things pass.
even the darkest things pass.
do whatever suits you.

and express yourself.

while you are here:
enjoy it.
learn from it.
life is a hard lesson that we came to learn.

break the code,
befriend the maker of the tests,
be smart, relax and pray.

love and give because it all comes back.

we all need a bigger hand to hold on to.

who can breathe in cairo?

2010-10-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

breathing is a basic right to life
a must for life
life is breath
and for you to breathe you need air
not black fumes, but fresh clean air

that is why we egyptians like to travel
we are all crammed up in cairo and lately i could not breathe in cairo

if it is not the exhaust from the cars it is your smoker friend or relative puffing in your face
all day and night

you have to choose between loneliness and being antisocial and left out or breathing
off their puffs, second hand smokers have more friends and smokers have the most friends

so you are either breathing fresh air alone or coughing with the people you love
many have just started smoking too to escape the dilemma
and many have gotten so accustomed to second hand smoking they have no idea what i am talking about and that is just sad.

and if you want to go out to a cool place at night
you have to get your whole system used to the smoke

tamarai is a killer
the cairo jazz club although has live music is a near death experience for me
and la bodega is well ventilated so you can breathe more there
but you have to get used to going home with hair and clothes that smell like an ashtray wherever you go at night
and you have to get used to the smoke to have a social life in cairo
to go for coffee even

the mohandseen cilantro is a walk into suffocation
i made the mistake of going in once, i had to cover my nose and mouth to buy my coffee and i had to run out
i am not exaggerating its not even funny anymore

however there is hope
i come with good news finally:

beonos the once smoke filled cafe with a few non smoking tables has dedicated the first floor which is the best floor to non smokers

and i congratulate them for that, finally going back to cairo i will find a place for coffee without coughing

so in addition to great coffee and sun light you can also breathe there!

the zamalek costa is a bubble of smoke for the exception of two tables who are cornered and suffocated

they always tend to give the non smokers the worst tables everywhere

so we travel we book tickets and we go to a different continent sometimes just to be able to do one basic thing: breathe

i just want to breathe thats all.

life oh life

2010-10-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

life has a funny way of making us look like fools
when you think everything is going your way
when you stomp your feet as you walk with a nose stuck so high
if God loves you he will bring your nose to the floor
that is what he did to me and i felt that if he did not care he would have left me proud and stupid
but God tests those he loves reminds them that nothing is up to them
in the end

the message was clear:

anything can go wrong
you are not that strong
do not be so proud
do not step on the earth so heavily
because out of the blues anything can happen
things that you thought would only happen to others
things that pull you so close to God when you pray and beg
when you kneel and ask
you let your guard down you lose your crown
remember God
you are nothing without him
you need him

God is like that when you drift he pulls you close with a problem and you become one in a remembrance
in a prayer in the thought of the nothingness that is you
and you forget all the stupid things and you become swallowed by a problem
a problem that if solved days will pass peacefully again
and you promise not to drift again

in problems we look for lessons to learn
every problem is a lesson and a thing to learn by the great teacher with a harsh sense of humor : life

you think you are all that
now take that

but if you are unlucky God will not test you at all
if you are proud and arrogant and unlucky he will leave things to go your way every day and for that you will feel so in-control
so powerful like things are up to you
this person might never have to pray

but thank God we were chosen to be tested, to be pulled closer again
in order to remember
because we always forget
how small we are
how helpless we are

in this life i realized i am nothing without him
i need his help in every step
and for that i hope i will always remember to call his name
and the names of his prophets and the names of his angels
i need all their help

in life there are no coincidences

dont get too arrogant so that the pull back does not shatter your world and bring you underground
dont drift too far

remember how small we are

not a piece of meat

2010-09-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

everyone is in your buisness in cairo
that is why so many people left
and you can not walk the streets for pleasure or even for excersice
because the sidewalks are crooked and breathing the fumes of the cars is no fun
you find yourself tired after one errand
you find your self hiding away
afraid to show up like this or like that because of all the things the people will say

everyone has to comment about everything and we are the masters of misunderstandings
you say one thing and you get a phone call to make it clear you meant the thing and not the opposite
and in the end you have to apologize anyway

keep quiet i say
talk in general terms
and stay away from zamalek when the famous soccer teams in cairo play
cars are broken! so much frustration

you can be robbed! but it is usually safe
you can be sent to jail if you speak up too loud
avoid religious, ppolitical or sexual talks in any gathering

you can be told to shut up by family and friends
and you will be told to keep it down if you are a blogger like me
revealing so much, even about ideas, broad ideas, is not acceptable in the elite social scene
any sort of artist must tone it down a bit hold it back think a million times and consider the opinions of aunt x
and uncle z because poker faces are perfect for the princes and princesses of the social scene

some arts are not acceptable like dancing and singing and acting
you must come from a very liberal confident family if you decide to take that path

and you will always be judged for what ever you do or say
and the less arabic you speak the better it is for your prestige

we do have a few famous sluts roaming the social scene
they do not care what people say they gave up their reputation and they do not want women for friends
some make spells with real magic and some reveal too much meat to meet the taste of the egyptian man who likes to see wiggling flesh
ewww
i know

but the thing is, the men marry the non sluts and like to stare at the slutty ones
the men make their wives or girlfriends cover up and at the outings drool at the women with the least clothes who walks and talks like she is nothing but an object

egyptian traditons allow men to stare at other women, laugh hysterically, drool a little and then make cheap jokes forever, and egyptian traditions expect wives to smile and go along with the jokes because heaven forbid that she is thought to be of the jelous type or worse not cool, or worse not enjoying being humilated and ignored.

typical egyptian men reach their worse when they travel to a party alive country, they want to visit bars and stare more and laugh more with their married friends, laughing i think becomes a hysterical nervous reaction to hot women in general or anything female that moves. and if staring is all they do the women are lucky because when abroad the rules usually vanish and marriage certificates only work within a country's boundaries.

women are not allowed to recopricate the men's ways. to stare at pretty men, comment and drool or make their husbands look like fools.

they are also expected to dress like nuns and talk and walk with respect and keep their limits of the friendly touches is the common norm.

the thing men do not realize is that the slutty ways are the easiest thing and any woman can turn on the red light and seduce any male she wants to seduce, but those who seduce any moving man and delete the brainy mode are usually more desirable in the male psyche.

lady gaga would be laughed at in the egyptian singing world if she was born egyptian
because she is not displaying herself as a sexy cute object for the man to admire
she is strong
larger than life and she does not care
my friends thought she wore the meat outfit to say that she does not mind that people view her as a piece of meat
while actually she said the opposite
she wore the meat as a statement that she is not a piece of meat
seeing her sing with so much strength and talent you would know she would never say so
she is strong and she does not care what they think
like all the great artists
it is not so bad to be weird after all
nobody asks her why she she is not the clone of every other girl

that is why she is not from here

Dr please care about me!

2010-09-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

i used to watch grey's anatomy thinking it will make me stronger but it almost killed me with all the drama
i realized if every time it feels like dying seeing the characters suffer on the hospital beds then this is not entertainment
its more like sadism. knowing that i might be sick in other ways but not in a way that enjoy my own torture i decided no more Grey's Anatomy for me after all they do warn before certain movies that sensitive viewers can not handle it, so i'm no freak they even labeled me and warned me. so I am a sensitive viewer! yay! i have an excuse and not just that im a sensitive listener too so do not just throw on me a horror story, and yes my stomach is sensitive too so i can not eat the fried onions on your dinner table.

on the other hand im a sensitive friend, family member, lover and all so you can guarantee a high degree of sensitivity when i'm dealing with you it will be with great care and i will make you feel good about yourself, i will make you laugh too and i will see all your beauty that some people failed to see. i won't ask you too many questions because i know interrogation is not socializing, although recently i have become the victim to the curiosities of everyone, so many questions are dropped on my head and i have no time to answer the friendly nosy strangers who think friendly means information rape in a limited time.

some people take away everything from you all sorts of information and leave you drained, they want to know everything about you and your family and you are caught off guard so you answer before you think and then you realize you could have resisted all these questions and refrained from answering.

dates, names, places, and prices too. where did you get this and for how much? and even more intimate questions and you become a victim and before revenge they disappear.

but beyond all these simple annoyances there is someone in the society of cairo who is more powerful than the rest of us. our lives are in his hands, he can ask any question, he can say anything, and he can scare you to death and make you feel safe. you trust him blindly and he can literally kill you or give you life again.

this is the doctor, the man who has all the power on earth after God. most Egyptian doctors compete in having their clinics as crowded as possible. the more vulnerable patients sitting and waiting helplessly for hours the bigger his prestige. and he is the big star behind the desk he goes in and the extras like the nurses and the staff run around like bees to get things ready. His phone is always ringing and based on so many things will he answer you or not.

the smart egyptians always befriend a dr. he will be the most important person in your family's life so kissing ass is mandatory. pediatrics suffer from phobic parents and become more important than siblings on your mobile phones.
but there is something different about the doctors in Egypt something like a halo around their heads.

maybe it is because very few are actually good and there are so many drs out there waiting to be recognized and so many graduates who have no chance. but those who made it into the lime light are stars of the society because we need them so much and they know how valuable they are.

there are different styles: there is the keep it simple all will be good and happy dr.
there is the dr who makes you take millions of tests and makes you think a cough is just as bad as aids so he or she scare you to death until each result and you feel like they just saved your life each time.
there is also the medicine giver who can stuff you with all sorts of medications to make your symptom go away and does not care if the side effects kill you.
there is also the arrogant "im a god dr" who confused his power of saving lives with God's power and he treats you from above like you are a piece of shit and all your worries and questions are so stupid like you and that you are so ignorant because you are not a doctor.

so the smart people always befriend the doctor keep him close make him care, because most doctors anticipate any chance for surgery so the one who knows you too well wont jump to the chance to cut you open.

you hope you are not just a number to them that they care for you.
they are mostly good people and if you find a doctor you trust do not let him go ever because he or she will save you.
make them love you, try to be special, do not bore them.
in cairo patients are at a competition to be loved and the more doctors friends you have the safer you are.

in California a stranger doctor made me feel more human than the best of my friends, he did not scare me, he did not tell me personal stories of other patients, something i have no idea why doctors do, i thought there was a confidentiality oath, they think they are entertaining you, what they do not know is that entertainment is jim carrey's job and secrecy is supposed to be theirs, in most civilized places drs do not tell you the secret tragedies of other patients whom you know due to the tiny social circle we all run in. and being a patient and not a scientist all you care about is your case or the positive results that someone with your symptoms have after being cured and please no names required here too.

the most emotionally damaging is: the your case is serious and i will leave you to think your life is over until i decide its time you know you have a chance to live, when you are actually fine approach!

but what is worse here is the jealousy between doctors each doctor has to laugh a little at the other doctor's style and politely belittle him by saying dr.x is my student.

its a huge mess in cairo, and when you go to the states you find them asking you for totally different things and they see things so differently there. what you thought was an incurable disease they probably know about and have the answer to and they will not make you feel stupid or that you are less human because you are not a doctor. and in most cases they will be astonished at all the medications you have been taking, things they introduce as a last resort.

but you will be in a clean place feeling safe and knowing that you do not need to be their friend for them to tell you the truth.
and that there is no hidden agendas and who your dad is does not matter to them, and who you know will also not make a difference.

but never did i know the importance of being a doctor, knowing a good doctor, and why the traditional egyptian family wants their son to be a doctor, like i do now.

God why did you not make me a good doctor?
now being an artist seems like such a trivial job or thing to do.
while they save lives i paint canvases only.
while i can not watch Grey's anatomy they live in it.

with all due respect to Egyptian doctors, they all have their amazing points of strength but certainly something is wrong and needs to be at least mentioned.

every time i visit an egyptian doctor i want to say: doctor, please care about me i am not just a number!

from Cairo Ramadan to Lausanne

2010-09-18T02:43:00.000-07:00

arriving to this cozy cute little airport of theirs was so comforting
it is small, unthreatening, and endearing

seeing Lausanne after Ramadan in Cairo i thought i must have died and went to heaven
every scene is postcard beauty material
the level of peace there is surreal
i felt like i came from another planet
in this part of Switzerland where they squeak in french rather than speak,
where they sing in high pitch voices saying bonjour at every corner instead of speaking like the rest of us
i felt like i was belle from beauty and the beast

the frequency that Lausanne vibrates with is higher than any other
people are floating not walking
the quiet could be felt from the earth
any silence anywhere else could never compare
in Lausanne you arrive and suddenly you feel so much peace that you want to be quiet
and you wonder why you made so much noise in your life before Lausanne.

it is a picture perfect place
like a still life painting that is too pretty that you do not want to believe it
How often does an amazing lake find a place before the mountains?
how often do birds fly so peacefully and air is so fresh and crisp all you want to do is breathe
nobody is loud in Lausanne
people are different there

mostly dressed in beiges and whites the few locals have some how agreed that these colors are best
A zen feeling fills the place
if you are aware you feel a great spiritual vibe too
a practical, simple, a higher frquency to everything

it is a place you go to and you feel like its good to be alive
and that you want to live
i look around me as i walk and i see old people in groups
walking eating movenpick ice-cream
people have the will to grow old in Lausanne
Life is worth living in a place like this.
Surrounded with so much beauty why not live more?

Every tree is a masterpiece with a different print on the trunk and a majestic peaceful feel to it.
Trees look happier and wiser there, something like the nature in the avatar movie is what I could see.

The waters of the lake are not like any other, from the boat I could see the sun's reflection making it glitter and glow like a diamond. Being there you feel lucky and you want to shut everyone up and ask are you guys kidding? Is this beauty normal? Who gets used to this?

my friends who live there said the perfection here gets boring after a while
i would not know
but the chaos and lack of oxygen here in Cairo also gets boring
In a place like Lausanne someone coming from Cairo would blossom like a flower that needed water and sunshine.
I did not want to miss one breath and I could feel my skin glow without the grey layer of dust.

The swiss are so clean and it's not because they have more soap, it is because the whole country is glittering in perfection.
Even the little blonde kids are perfect.
Babies and children there are a joy to watch.
other than the fact that they are adorable and naturally cute they behave so differently than my local kids from Cairo

God has given them so much beauty in Lausanne
in the nature, in the people and the children too
perfect little creatures silently politely existing to make the lives of their parents more joyful
I searched the place with my bare eyes and no, no there are no nannies from the Philippines and the poorest countries of Africa running around insane little monsters like in Cairo. Kids sit like normal human beings with their parents quietly and in the most civil ways, they are a joy to the world.

I started getting flashbacks of my summer in the egyptian northcoast where each mommy has a nanny and each child is a scare to watch or handle. Each child has a walking paid adult running after them following their every move and meeting their every wish or command. The children at haciendas are spoiled beyond measure and the Philippines and Nigeria and Ethiopia have found a new colony in cairo's rich homes.

These nannies have no authorities over the kids and the kids run around like monsters making it seem like parenting is a stupid choice if the outcome would be kids who are impossible to handle.

i sat through a friendly lecture in Lausanne and in the room was a mom and her daughter who is a two year old girl who is prettier than your dreams can picture or imagine and cuter than kittens and puppies in their first weeks of life, the girl sat through an one hour lecture that i fidgeted through. she sat quietly and peacefully and i was in shock. i looked beside me and another mom was there with her five week baby born sleeping in a wrap, the baby slept in peace on her stomach and heart, reminded by his position in the womb the baby was quiet and peaceful. i look to my left and another baby slept in peace through out the lecture and suddenly it dawned on me the Cairo way of parenting is not the only Way! life is not over if you become a parent, and children do not have to be the monsters we see screaming and acting insane. i wondered if it was nature or nurture.

At the lunch break the little girl ate by her self with no noise or fuss she sat on her dad's lap and chewed peacefully. They sat at our table so I thought it would be my chance to ask the heroic mommy how she does it, and how her toddler acts like a sane blessing not a monster.

i asked her if it was genetics or something they did so well. the mommy answered me with what i realized is the answer to every mom in the world who has no clue how parents can make it without a nanny to rely on and a little monster to keep distracted away. she said she read a book called "THE BABY WHISPERER" and ladies and gentlemen this is the answer to all the problems of parents.

The mom told me its all about structure and keeping a strict routine of eating sleeping and activity. In the book the author calls it e.a.s.y; EAT, ACTIVITY, SLEEP,AND YOU TIME. She said babies love routines and structure and she got up to take the lovely little girl of hers to sleep, in the middle of the lunch she had to leave the social scene and attend to the structure and routine of the baby girl that keeps her so peaceful and a joy to be around. i wanted to tattoo the words "THE BABY WHISPERER" on my forehead for my future in parenthood to be safe.

And I promised myself to read this apparently amazing book before bringing a lost child into the world and not to leave my child to become another monster in the world who walks with a poor nanny behind him or her and not to bring more misery to my country by having another spoiled brat who adds to the noise pollution and makes everyone else uncomfortable. So help me God!
Ofcourse everyone needs help and affording help is a blessing but the way the elite of Egypt do it is not in anyway normal. seeing the angel that is the little girl act the way she did you would understand what i mean and how it is so not normal what is happening in my cairo with the socially fortunate parents and their little monsters who are left to the help.

From Ramadan to Lausanne it really felt like I was a good girl during ramadan so God took me to heaven to see how wonderful things could be .

From God : to us ( on fasting)

2010-09-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Allah’s Messenger (sallaAllahu alayhe wasallam) said: “Allah said: “Every good deed performed by son of Adam is a credit for him but fasting is exclusively Mine and I give reward for it. Fasting is a shield against sins. Therefore, when any of you is fasting he should neither indulge in obscene language nor raise the voice. If anyone abuses him or quarrels with him, he should say: I am fasting. By Him in Whose Hand is Muhammad’s soul! The smell coming out of the mouth of a person fasting is more pleasant to Allah than the smell of musk. And he who fasts has two occasions of joy. One is when he breaks the fast, and the second is when he meets his Lord.”" (This Hadith is sound and reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

from our beloved prophet to us

2010-09-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him addressed his companions on the last day of Sha`ban, saying, "Oh people! A great month has come over you; a blessed month; a month in which is a night better than a thousand months; month in which Allah has made it compulsory upon you to fast by day, and voluntary to pray by night. Whoever draws nearer (to Allah) by performing any of the (optional) good deeds in (this month) shall receive the same reward as performing an obligatory deed at any other time, and whoever discharges an obligatory deed in (this month) shall receive the reward of performing seventy obligations at any other time. It is the month of patience, and the reward of patience is Heaven. It is the month of charity, and a month in which a believer's sustenance is increased. Whoever gives food to a fasting person to break his fast, shall have his sins forgiven, and he will be saved from the Fire of Hell, and he shall have the same reward as the fasting person, without his reward being diminished at all."Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah

this city this month

2010-09-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

cairo is my home
i keep saying it but i want to say it more
even if we know for sure and it is fact that so many other places are way better than this city
i still want to live in this capital or 20 minutes away no more than that

i feed on this chaos here
i wish for it to be solved of course
i wish i can fix it all
but then again im happy here
and coming from the beautiful beach and fresh air i missed the place i call home
wanted to go back so bad and itched for this place
ramadan has a lot to do with it
i love ramadan in cairo
nothing like it, nothing can compare
maybe in mecca it would be even more amazing but i would want some time in cairo too

im so lucky i grew up here and the traditions were engraved in me
its so important to grow up doing something
and to be around those who do it to
for it to stick like a norm
and then you grow up to love and miss it

cairo is my home
ramadan is time to polish the heart
to take a break
to take the shallow world out of our hearts and bring on the light of God
it is time to pray to love to fast to eat to think and to connect
to visit family and friends to feel at one
something unites us and it is magical how a city eats at the same time and fasts at the same time
and rushes to do good at the same time

Cairo i love you
ramadan you are leaving so fast again
i love all of those who fasted together and ate together
i love the quiet streets and the sound of the call of prayer
i love it here and i wish to always be here in this holy month
no other place can compare
here the angels spread in ramadan and the devils are chained through the month
so what ever sins we sin are from our own selves

nothing is like a holy month in a great city like this
polish your heart and awaken it wherever you are
its time to see things clearly now
there is no better time reach for higher places
beyond the small world here
now gates are open for prayers
now angels fill our homes and streets
now everyone who is aware can feel the higher frequency
but it is a choice to be lazy and waste this time or to capture the light while it floods the earth and our souls
be thankful for being at a place that respects this time
you could have been somewhere else where nobody cares that its ramadan and holding on is like holding on to coal

whoever you are, wherever you are it is a special time
it's our christmas, and glittering streets sing in joy
hearts are kinder
stomaches are empty
souls are purified
nights are not meant for sleep anymore, they're meant for prayers and those who want to repent
don't miss out on the great things that are happening
get to know your angel now

mercy is the theme

i love this city, this month

aUgust in RAmadan

2010-08-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

This year august meets ramadan
Hottest days meet our hungriest hours
Thirst and sweat combine
A.c becomes the most important member of each family and each house
Beaches abandoned
Beach houses resided in
Some lay all day trying to make it
Some hide in their summer homes with their kids
Some still go to work in Cairo
They suffer the traffic and the heat
Some swim inside their pools
Some melt with no electricity
Some read religious scriptures all night and pray
Some fast and hibernate
Some make the most of social events out of it
And invite as many people as they can
Some eat each day at a different friends house
Some are glued to the tv day and night
Some play games until dawn and sleep until the sunsets
Some fast, eat , pray, watch tv and sleep

But best thing about Ramadan in egypt is that we are all in it together
And it's not to be ignored
It's to be respected
It's time for the soul and body to rest
It's time to slow down
It's time for GOd
It's Ramadan in egypt and it's a very special time
Although it's hot
Although it's august
Although it's hard
It's still Ramadan a time to respect our core

Anger and fire

2010-08-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

In my heart anger builds like fire it takes time to burn only me and then fade away leaving me with ashes
I always turn to water and the soothing shower
Contact with people no matter how dear is a recipe for arguments and trouble
But then again nobody likes to be lonely
Even those who act like it's their choice
It might be true for awhile but humanity needs the warmth and comfort of sharing to survive
Maybe not six families under one roof but people need to connect that's for sure
In Egypt mobile phones are best sellers
Everyone has one
Even the hungry or the unemployed man
And smoking is the culture
Everyone is lighting fire to their lungs
So much anger and self destruction
People smoke everywhere from elevators to hospitals they do
In your face in coffee shops they puff the smoke
And anywhere you go indoors you will come home smelling like an ashtray
I had to make the choice: become an outcast
Lonely and left behind or a second hand smoker
The only reason people react positively to your annoyance to smoke and inability to breathe is if you are with child other than that you leave the table
Shishas and cigarettes are the social life here in Egypt and if you do not know how to cope you are not part of the crowd
The non smokers feel guilty for their desires for a healthier place to sit and breathe and the sensitive smokers who walk away to smoke and come back barely exist
I know only one person like that
But it is considered rude to ask someone not to smoke next to you if you do not have a serious medical condition you should be silent and enjoy their puffs in your face like you were meant to

And the different ringtones of mobile phones and people having their conversations in the middle of your lunch or outing interrupting everything will drive you mad

The fire builds burns and rests
With water you can help it turn to ashes

My advice always jump in the shower

roller coaster

2010-08-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

We always want what is far and when we get it we start wanting something else
The same thing we wished for can start creating our own misery
So maybe we have no idea what we want
Many times we have no clue

And what about those people we travel miles and miles to see and realize we can't stand after awhile
So many misunderstandings
Words twisted in minds creating unwanted wounds

From a distance it's a picture perfect portrait
You get closer and you see all the faults all the hidden wounds
All the spoken and unspoken things we hold

We are so complicated so many layers to us
We change every day our cells change our minds change our hearts twist and turn and what we were dying to have
Loses meaning after a while

Even I love you when said too much loses meaning and taste
Even the kisses when practiced with no passion can be a chore between families and friends
Even lovers are bored time after time

People need time alone
Too much contact is friction
What about the mothers and fathers how do they manage with zero self time
If they can't afford it it's no choice
But I have seen it up close even parents need a break from the apples of their eyes
Those kids they've wanted so much

They say be thankful
But you never thank unless you are about to lose
We never see until we are bumped so hard
Then we learn the lessons of how spoiled we were
And time makes things look sweeter after awhile
We always think we were happier at a previous time
Well most of the time
nostalgic we become because we delete the troubles to make it seem lovely in the past

But these days I have realized the agony is the same
This life is no merry go round
It is a roller coaster that you bought the ticket for and stood in line
You know you will scream and they will turn you upside down
Your world will shake your heart will skip a beat and at times the ride will be slow and boring right before the big rush of the twist and the turn
You know about the
The speed and the adrenaline rush you know about the shock of the sudden change of path

after awhile you think you know the pattern when the big shocking move happens they give you time to slow down
You leave it either laughing and entertained because you have bravery and a strong heart Or like me at the end of the ride with weak knees and a heart that can't stop pounding
With some hairs that turned white on your head
With disbelief and so many questions about why we do that to ourselves
Why do we stand in line for fear and speed and shock?
Well we all chose to buy the ticket before we came to the line
We all stood by choice
Even the little kids do it

For me the ride is no fun when its so dangerous like that
I would prefer a walk In the park or the simple merry go round but the people you love take you to places you did not want to go
For love you trust that even though you will be upside down the seat will keep you from falling
When you think you are dead it will still be ok because so many people died before and others still stand in line and buy the tickets too knowing it will be over
No one stays in the seat when the other people come to ride
Nobody says they will stay forever on the ride
Nobody can
They won't let you
So fear it or enjoy it , it be over soon

Health benefits of fasting

2010-08-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

I found this:

Biology 103
2002 First Paper
On Serendip

The Health Benefits of Fasting
Will Carroll
There has been much contention in the scientific field about whether or not fasting is beneficial to one's health. Fasting is an integral part of many of the major religions including Islam, Judaism and Christianity. Many are dubious as to whether the physiological effects are as beneficial as the spiritual promoted by these religions. There is a significant community of alternative healers who believe that fasting can do wonders for the human body. This paper will look at the arguments presented by these healers in an attempt to raise awareness of the possible physiological benefits that may result from fasting.

Fasting technically commences within the first twelve to twenty-four hours of the fast. A fast does not chemically begin until the carbohydrate stores in the body begin to be used as an energy source. The fast will continue as long as fat and carbohydrate stores are used for energy, as opposed to protein stores. Once protein stores begin to be depleted for energy (resulting in loss of muscle mass) a person is technically starving. (1)

The benefits of fasting must be preceded by a look at the body's progression when deprived of food. Due to the lack of incoming energy, the body must turn to its own resources, a function called autolysis. (2) Autolysis is the breaking down of fat stores in the body in order to produce energy. The liver is in charge of converting the fats into a chemical called a ketone body, "the metabolic substances acetoacetic acid and beta-hydroxybutyric acid" (3), and then distributing these bodies throughout the body via the blood stream. "When this fat utilization occurs, free fatty acids are released into the blood stream and are used by the liver for energy." (3) The less one eats, the more the body turns to these stored fats and creates these ketone bodies, the accumulation of which is referred to as ketosis. (4)

Detoxification is the foremost argument presented by advocates of fasting. "Detoxification is a normal body process of eliminating or neutralizing toxins through the colon, liver, kidneys, lungs, lymph glands, and skin." (5). This process is precipitated by fasting because when food is no longer entering the body, the body turns to fat reserves for energy. "Human fat is valued at 3,500 calories per pound," a number that would lead one to believe that surviving on one pound of fat every day would provide a body with enough energy to function normally. (2) These fat reserves were created when excess glucose and carbohydrates were not used for energy or growth, not excreted, and therefore converted into fat. When the fat reserves are used for energy during a fast, it releases the chemicals from the fatty acids into the system which are then eliminated through the aforementioned organs. Chemicals not found in food but absorbed from one's environment, such as DDT, are also stored in fat reserves that may be released during a fast. One fasting advocate tested his own urine, feces and sweat during an extended fast and found traces of DDT in each. (5)

A second prescribed benefit of fasting is the healing process that begins in the body during a fast. During a fast energy is diverted away from the digestive system due to its lack of use and towards the metabolism and immune system. (6) The healing process during a fast is precipitated by the body's search for energy sources. Abnormal growths within the body, tumors and the like, do not have the full support of the body's supplies and therefore are more susceptible to autolysis. Furthermore, "production of protein for replacement of damaged cells (protein synthesis) occurs more efficiently because fewer 'mistakes' are made by the DNA/RNA genetic controls which govern this process." A higher efficiency in protein synthesis results in healthier cells, tissues and organs. (7) This is one reason that animals stop eating when they are wounded, and why humans lose hunger during influenza. Hunger has been proven absent in illnesses such as gastritis, tonsillitis and colds. (2) Therefore, when one is fasting, the person is consciously diverting energy from the digestive system to the immune system.

In addition, there is a reduction in core body temperature. This is a direct result of the slower metabolic rate and general bodily functions. Following a drop in blood sugar level and using the reserves of glucose found in liver glycogen, the basal metabolic rate (BMR) is reduced in order to conserve as much energy within the body as can be provided. (2) Growth hormones are also released during a fast, due to the greater efficiency in hormone production. (7)

Finally, the most scientifically proven advantage to fasting is the feeling of rejuvenation and extended life expectancy. Part of this phenomenon is caused by a number of the benefits mentioned above. A slower metabolic rate, more efficient protein production, an improved immune system, and the increased production of hormones contributes to this long-term benefit of fasting. In addition to the Human Growth Hormone that is released more frequently during a fast, an anti-aging hormone is also produced more efficiently. (7) "The only reliable way to extend the lifespan of a mammal is under-nutrition without malnutrition." (5) A study was performed on earthworms that demonstrated the extension of life due to fasting. The experiment was performed in the 1930s by isolating one worm and putting it on a cycle of fasting and feeding. The isolated worm outlasted its relatives by 19 generations, while still maintaining its youthful physiological traits. The worm was able to survive on its own tissue for months. Once the size of the worm began to decrease, the scientists would resume feeding it at which point it showed great vigor and energy. "The life-span extension of these worms was the equivalent of keeping a man alive for 600 to 700 years." (8)

In conclusion, it seems that there are many reasons to consider fasting as a benefit to one's health. The body rids itself of the toxins that have built up in our fat stores throughout the years. The body heals itself, repairs all the damaged organs during a fast. And finally there is good evidence to show that regulated fasting contributes to longer life.

Tooth pains and Ramadan

2010-08-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

The holy month is one day away actually this evening the Ramadan prayers will start
I'm no preacher I'm no saint I'm in no place to say anything to anyone
But I can't help it that I want my loved ones to fast
Like a painful toothache is what it is seeing someone so great not doing what you know Is best for them
Like a broken heart you ache
It won't add or take from you but your love is of that kind.

Even if it's not your business even if it is personal you still want them to share the ritual
To share the blessings and what they bring
All you want is for them to feel the pleasures of doing it for him

Like a tooth ache is what it is being far from those you love
In a month like this one
You want the lovers and families to fast and break the fast together
To kneel and pray and thank together
To love to pray to fast together
It's a free country but love holds you captive like a toothache.
Ramadan the holy generous month is time for God , the fast is for him alone.
What a lovely way to say I love you, to fast until the sunsets, what a lovely way to reach the one!

When I said I'm doing nothing I lied

2010-07-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

So depression crawled on me and found it's way when I spent a week of nothingness in Cairo knowing that I'm wasting precious human time
With eyes glued on tv watching the superficial yet so addictive episodes of gossip girl
Watching them for so long I started dreaming of the characters from Serena to georgina i have been seeing them all
Chasing me and hunting my unconscious taking me to manhattan and making me question what I was doing in Cairo alone
When I could be with the characters shopping at the upper east side of manhattan
When you start believing the characters of a tv show are your real friends you know there is a serious problem
Just when I realized Serena is not my friend and as much as I love the conniving Blair they are not real and they have no idea I exist

That was when I realized it's time to take action
So I followed my dream and took the course I have always dreamed of and had not dared take any action based on discouragement of close ones who I know mean only well
Truth is only you know what you need

So I went to my guru who is the best guru in this country possibly the continent
And she is guru Wafa as I mentioned before
And I took the course
I have learned so many things I have always wanted to know and now I can heal using my energy field
In the Maldives and thailand the yoga teachers have encouraged me to take the healing path since they sensed that I have a gift
Everyone does but they advised me and finally I took their advice and after two years almost I took action
I'm still in the beginning but I'm so excited
Now I know things I would never have known
And I still want to know
And I still have a long way
But now I know the ways to heal my self and the people I love
Some treasures lie under your nose
Only you know what you want and need
Let me heal myself and you
Now I actually can
Going back to the beach now with purpose and a new light
Still addicted to gossip girl but at least now I know Who I am and I learned something
So staying away from the beach was not a complete waste
Was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me
Polish your heart so you can shine
Fix your self I told my self
And one day at a time I might really get there
Nothing feels better than being healed
So heal what you can and ask for help

First post from an ipad

2010-07-24T01:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't know I would love the apple iPad so much
Perfect size
And so friendly
This iPad is becoming my best friend
Moving on
Cairo in July is an experience worth your time
It is like I am in a different city
I feel like I'm renting an apartment in France
Where I know no one
And there is a certain charm to being on your own in an old city like Cairo
Walking in the streets and alleys of zamalek at night I have seen the jewels of embassies and villas that were hard to see from the crowd
It is very peaceful here when everyone else is by the coast or traveling the globe

You start seeing the city with the eyes of the tourist
Only foreigners here and people with no summer homes are left in the city
The darkness of the zamalek streets at night is scary and exciting too
The street called al montaza street is a secret lovers hiding place
On the corniche I saw the lovers kissing and whispering behind the trees
I also saw friends chilling in cars parked in the same street

The punks, the outcasts and the smoking up
All gather here for some reason
I know exactly why
It's beautiful
It's dark
It's mysterious

You can smell the Nile as you walk
And it's the closest you can get to these waters

Walking in zamalek is a rare chance for me

Only in July when half our population is by the beach can I do that
Finally I can feel the city again
I can feel the history and the stories behind each window
everyone i know is by the beach now because
Summer this year is shorter than before since august will meet Ramadan
And the bikinis will hide along with with the booz and the food
Some people will stay by the beach and hide in their beach houses until sunset
Some will come rushing back to cairo to meet their working husbands on the dining table at sunset to
break their fast and some will travel to any foreign place where the population knows nothing about Ramadan

Life is slow in Cairo and my muscles hurt from too much laying down
From doing nothing all day when I have the chance to do so much
For some reason I have zero energy for anything other than lounging all day and having breakfast and coffee in bed
I should be feeling guilty for being so lazy and unproductive
But I convince my self a housewife is a full-time job
And that I am experimenting with doing nothing
Although I doubt that anything good will come out of that
And I confess I do feel weird about it

Cairo in July in the weekend is peaceful, is cleaner, is lonely, is a new experience for me and I think I like it, me and my new friend the ipad!!

gypsy

2010-07-22T01:43:00.000-07:00

the mind longs for whatever is out of reach
when we are here we wait until it is time to fly away
and when we go to those we missed we start thinking of those
on the othe other side and miss them too
we start thinking of how we want to see them again and go back
when we are back we keep thinking of those we left behind
thinking the meeting is the gate to happinness
so many goodbyes
so many hellos
the greeters become normal company after the passionate hugs fade away
hopeful eyes become cold and insensitive in a short time
eyes that were glued on yours start to drift and catch a newer resting place more fresh and more exciting
you look around and again you are alone
no matter who is with you
no place feels like a home
no place feels comfortable
when you have this emptiness inside
love always involves heartbreak
love is not reliable in anyway
but so many people have built thick skins
so many have occupied themselves with so many things to do so they can get distracted
everyone looks for a distraction from the mind
keeping busy makes people happier

some atheletes are addicted to their work out
tiring the body in excersice shuts the mind up

i realized something very important nobody knows it all
we are all trying
keeping busy
the mothers looking after their kids get sucked in cute routines and scheduales
so they do not stop and worry about it all

the buisness men work themselves to sleep
and routines keep people safe

the drinkers keep filling their cups as if drinking
so much will take their minds off whatever they are escaping
and it does only for a short time
only until the pain comes back when they are sober again.

smokers keep themselves busy thinking of the next ciggerete
and occuping themselves with hand movements and the different ways to puff the smoke

the eaters are busy getting lost in taste sensations
and dreaming of their next meal

the shoppers
keep buying their happiness thinking their next purchase will sure bring the joy
or the confidence that they have always longed for

the flirt looks for the next victim to feed their ego. hunting for eyes to lock with theirs
and the teasers love to make people dream of them and then move to the next person
as soon as they find someone else to woe.

everyone is looking for a distraction
everyone is as lost as you sometimes feel
but they all keep it together at the party

and in the end we feel lonely with the person beneath our skin
thinking that this person is the only one with trouble
when everyone else has their pain too but works to hide it and move on

no place feels like home in this world

lost on the highway

2010-07-22T01:15:00.000-07:00

i was not built for the road
trucks scare me
drivers choke me
and in any car i feel my personal space being invaded
so that is what they call: chlostrophobia

reminders for self:
1. egyptian men hate to be in the passenger's seat when a woman is driving especially if they are involved with her romantically
2. love is more romantic when it is impossible
3. a fantasy lives longer than a reality
4. expectaions are the reason behind heartbreak
5. men and women have so many different wires in their brains
its like men have this empty place in their heads while women have so many layers of emotions and expectations in the same place no wonder it is so hard for them to get each other
6. never travel to meet someone you love, you will always be dissapointed and they never appreciate it as much as you would think they would
7. never expect anything from anyone
8.be your own best friend
9. enjoy your own company
10. dont forget your friends and your own life
11. before commiting to someone make sure you have the ability of being happy alone
12. fairytales are not possible
13. romantic movies are hard to create in real llife
14. imagination can be dangerous, your mind can create your own hell
15. nothing is real in this life

16. most people are capable of lying, hiding truths and calling it selective honesty, cheating, and surprising you.

so many times we want to run way and when we run we find different forms of pain somewhere else
does high perception and creativity always mean more prone to sadness?
what are the real reasons behind sadness? genes? horoscope? or is it just part of life?

it feels like a big joke sometimes this whole life
and then we die and i think it is so humilating to just be dead and for others to deal with your body
people keep dying everyday and some think it is so far away
dont walk so proud my friend one day you too will leave

didnt realize this post would end up morbid sorry readers soon will come a happier one

alexandria what happened to you?

2010-07-19T03:22:00.000-07:00

alexandria in july is nothing like it ought to be
the once great city is to me has become the biggest dissapoinment

i used to come here as a little girl
it used to be so much fun here in alexandria
but now it is a memory of beauty and the majority of the the minds have taken it so far back

a city that has the potential of being as fun as beirut is now the opposite of what beirut stands for
alexandria wins in one point, thank GOD no war stains there, but dear Lord what has happened to alexandria?

i realise that the four seasons is no way to judge a place
but it is a way of comparing a segment of society in every place

the four seasons has not failed to create another architectural beauty and ofcourse good service
but the people have killed it, they killed the experience, with their ways, with their attitiudes, and as shallow as it sounds with their choice of clothes too.

the pool is wonderful ofcourse and sitting by it and seeing the beach too, what more would you want sipping your fruit cocktail? sounds dreamy until the residence of the hotel start to occupy the place and make you feel uncomfortable for all that you are it becomes not dreamy and more nightmarish.

it seemed to me that there is some kind of hidden alexandrian laws that everyone knows of except me: only men and children can swim or wear a swim suit
a saudi feel to the place spreads and you could smell the borrowed tradtions fill the place
the once alexandrian man has adapted the saudi customs and his wife has sided with a towel in her hand in the shade covered and sheltered in a way that seems to be so borrowed and not originally hers.

were they teachers working in saudi and coming with money to spend in their home country?
they must be because all the signs point there.

the sand and beach experience was such a disapointment too
thinking that my contact with the alexandrian beach will be a reunion from a childhood memory
all i see in the waves is empty bags of chips
and waste everywhere
i could smell the sewage too dropped in the sea
and the sand
what happened to the sand of alex?
it lost its softness and its bright yellowness
the almost black waves with the brown sands are the reason the alexandrians who care for beauty left alex in the summer and went to the north coast.

i felt like i am in a petrooleum field, nothing about the beach said vacation or fun.
on the beach of the fourseasons you will not find one female in swim wear or even just sitiing there
all you could find is men and children.
no sound of music or any efforts to entertain.
all i could feel was uncomfortable.
the only people on the beach are loud repulsive spoiled children who are not one bit cute, and their hairy fathers who think they are the heroes of their time. where have the women gone? why are they all men and children?

thats when i realized that it does not matter how amazing the hotel is that you stay at, what matters is the people around you.
we walked through the same underground tunnel to reach the beach like in beirut and the beach was so similar to beirut's beach it even had sand and in beirut it was mostly rocks, but in beirut you want to live life smelling the waves, the people around you, and their choices of clothes and ways of speech make you enjoy the place.

in alex all i could think of was how every life comes to an end, that is how we are as egyptians obssessed with death and the after life like we used to be as pharoes, it is all for the after life. in beirut it seems like they beleive it is just this life they got and they turned their beaches to heavenly dreams of fun, their clothes to art pieces, their features to what they wished for them to be, and they make you want to have fun.

i used to come to alexandria as a little girl and in montaza it used to be so wonderful spending summers by the beach, girls were free, men were not the only people you see on the beach, and people dressed up with taste, and you could not see maids dressed in repulsive clothes filling the place.

the four seasons is trying to be the fourseasons in alex but the alexandrians barely inhibit the restaurants and changed the scene to conservative macho macho town.

two things you will love about four seasons alex: the food and rooms that is about it!

the four seasons stands lonely in alexandria and it is beautiful in everyway, but if you stay there remember your room number because each step of the way you will be asked: "rakam el ghorfa?" or " room number please?" because they do not trust that you have a room, no matter how your efforts of looking representable are ,they will always suspect that you are a crasher! i thought of writing my room number on my forehead but held myself from embarrassing my friends. if you decide to spoil yourself in the alex fourseasons, remember to stay in the room and order room service! that is really the best part of the experience unless you do not mind loud children and men taking up all the place.

this city has expired

2010-07-19T02:46:00.001-07:00

i really do not mean to be so negative
but coming back from the beach to cairo
all i could smell was the stink
like old milk in the fridge
this city is getting more rotten everyday
we love it so much that we do not see it or we do not want to admit it
and we do not want the people to say it
but we know they are right
the garbage
the stink
the people
everything is overdue
run away from the city while you can
an ugly dust covers us all with grey and makes us dull here
meet us anywhere else we would be missing the stink but glowing with oxygen and fresh clean pores on our skin

there is no better beach naturally speaking than the beach of our north coast
it might lack the atmosphere you find in europe and beirut but this sand and water quality can only compare to the maldives
to the islands that are now designed for honeymooners

on the egyptian north coast you will find the biggest national waste
these houses built for one month in the year are such a waste closed all year round and hidden from tourism
why doesn't the government supply us with means for permenant life there?
a school
a hospital
a chance

then again we all like to gather like cockroaches around the stinking city of ours
for some reason nobody thinks of spreading further than katameya and 6 of october

this city has expired, yet only here can you order your groceries to your doorstep and if you do not have cash the supermarket guy will bring you the credit card machine to your doorstep.

is it for these comforts that we stay and ignore our inability to breathe fresh air or walk the streets like other normal people from anywhere?

May peace be upon you Beirut

2010-06-30T04:09:00.000-07:00

Beirut is a dream
Beirut is the way life should be
whenever city and beach marry life has new meaning
beauty everywhere
plastic or not it is wonderful
the lebanese learned from the French about good taste and then they reached new levels

in beirut you want to eat and you don't want to sleep
you do not want to miss a thing
people who know how to live
how to look
how to dance
how to dine
how to work

with sweet tongues they speak only to make you feel good about yourself
in beirut you want to live
you want to kiss the clouds and stay up all night

beautiful boys and girls who fixed their flaws and are happier now
beaches that call for south france and compete with pride

a downtown that takes your breath away and gives you the joys of the past and the opportunities of the future
a lot like rio the city dances by the beach and spreads to the mountains
God gave them beauty and brains but also a will to fight

if only Lebanon was always at peace, the whole world would move there
amazing shopping, natural beauty and of course their famous nightlife is like no other

next to the new beautiful buildings by the beach you can still see traces of a war on other wounded buildings
but the war has taught them not to waste time
that nothing is for granted and that each day might be the last

so they know how to live better than any other people
they know how to grab the moment
to enjoy the peaceful times
who knows what tomorrow might bring?

lebanese food is not impossible to imitate but its so simply good and juicy and you will not find it's match anywhere else only Syria can compete.

fresh fruits and vegetables with lemon and spices that make you love being healthy
salads are the main course in many occasions but they are so creative, they are enough
food is served with love and nothing is ordinary
mediocracy does not exist

but for the lebanese women competition is a killer, every woman has done all she can to look her best
and everyday they are ready to meet anyone, they dress up like beauty queens and talk like they are not shy to be feminine
a celebration is what it is every single day and they look for excuses
the world cup was their excuse to roam the streets and cheer and sing like each winning country was their own
with passion they painted themselves in brazilian colors when brazil won
a herd of motorcycles filled the streets with brazilian flags
and the same happened when germany won
they use anything as an excuse to live and celebrate

you will not understand the lebanese way until you see it
nothing breaks them
not even war
they will dance
they will sing
they will shine anyway
let each night be lived like it were your last
and when you work you are the best
when you eat it must taste good
when you love you must be outspoken

and when you check out competition you are not subtle you will be proud to stare and threaten
when you shop you choose the latest
when you build you make art pieces
when you go out you stay all night
when you fight you fight till the end
they know about war and nothing scares them anymore
strong happy beautiful people by the beach or on the mountains no wonder all the people i know run to lebanon as much as they can

as an Egyptian i got the visa at the airport
i felt loved and welcomed like a first class citizen
they know how to welcome you
how to host and how to talk

this is why i fell in love with beirut
because lebanon can live

God Bless Beirut, and may the rages of war always be far from you, may peace be upon you Beirut

cliche

2010-06-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

i know it is a cliche
but i need to put it down here
i realize i can buy a diary
i have even been advised to
but some how i need to get published here on this blog
i have no idea why
i need this thing in my head to be out and read

the cliche is
the fact that things do not bring joy
not even love can bring happiness
pain can be an outcome of so much happiness
material things mean comfort that is it
after awhile you get used to everything, although thankful and grateful
you will need something else
and if you do not feed your soul you will be empty

your being hallow
your spirit sad

i thought that my sold out art show would make me happy
i thought that by having my own show i would be in paradise
thankful i am but not happy
not as i thought i would be
holding my cash in my hand
i felt like a drug dealer some how
like i sold my soul
and i sold it cheap

ego brings sadness
no matter how much my dreams come true my brain finds the way to put me down
making me see the faults
the doubts
and success means nothing
i realized there must be something bigger, something more rewarding
than this

nowadays i cant even paint
they choked me
they said they want to lead me
and although i am dying to go back to my canvas
i do not want to go back now

i want their voices out of my head
they talked so much
nobody owns a free artist
i paint for me and not for them to like or not

my work i love
but how could i find it now
its all sold out
who knows where each piece went
and now i'm left with colored papers called cash
meaning nothing and all my work disappeared
into other spaces
some i still find and i am grateful for knowing the new owners
some went to strangers and i was not even given the time to say goodbye

professional is what i should be
less sentimental
less dramatic
but that is me

does the sad gene come with the fun gene hand in hand?
money does not buy happiness
so do not wait for the move in or the move out
you will always be inside yourself stop running away
temporary changes become old ones
new wants and needs always come up
making you sad
making you wait thinking that the change will finally make you happy
but no nothing does

you must fill the gap inside, that emptiness,
that no friend or lover can ever fill no fading moment can fulfill

and in the end we are all gone
so whats the point of so much pain?

although shopping can be pleasurable at the moment
i realized an old known fact:
money can't buy happiness
that is the cliche
and the illusion
so many people with all the money in the world and in depression they live
the poor souls are in pain
and people can not see the cause

listen to your heart

2010-06-21T03:13:00.000-07:00

nowadays i get angry so fast
im upset so fast
im not the patient one anymore
i thought i was so calm
and i realized i am not
i thought i was understanding
but my window for taking crap has been shut so hard and fast
i do not like stupid excuses
and no i wont forgive the immoral
if i do not go around making people feel so bad by mistake
everyone else can also hold it and think before they talk

once i was fooled by an older witch wearing a weird mask and costumes that do not fit any place on earth
and i thought maybe behind this weird look there is a good heart
turns out i was wrong and my body was right when it smelled danger and weirdness when we first met
she was like an octopus who wanted to eat you alive
take all you have and make it hers
her true face showed and a monster was behind the mask of sweet talk

now i know why some people have a strong big facade
they were bit so hard before

only the stupid does not suspect
does not sniff danger from a distance

all i really want is my space and freedom
and to be with those i love

the weather is so hot in cairo and my boiling anger is boiling up
no i can not take shit anymore
no i will not be like all the other doormats
and i will not wait to be stabbed again
get stabbed once and you are excused
get stabbed twice and you are stupid

no i am anything but stupid

now i get angry so fast
i will not be silent to injustice and rudeness
yes i have learned the truth about people

some are gold some are fake
some are sweet some are wearing big masks
no one is perfect but the difference is what you are willing to put up with

some people can take liars as long as they are fun
but i can not

others can take cheaters as long as they got big pockets
and i would gag to that

some are ok with bullies
as long as they are in the it crowd
and i think thats sick

some can be around masks, liars, cheaters, fakers, and even the always cynical and negative but im not sorry that i cant.

that kind of limits my friend list but i have no problem with that.

i say: quality versus quantity

i learned to listen to my heart when you meet someone and your whole being wants to escape them take it as a sign that they are not meant to be your friend even if they act like angels, soon their true face will show and you will regret giving them the chance.

if you want to be with someone but your body refuses it, listen to your guts and heart they know better than your brain.

listen to your heart not everyone is true and not everyone is good, not everyone deserves to get so close.

be careful of the many faces people wear.

that dr who only started answering his phone after he got the v.i.p call
that friend who suddenly became so nice after you gained something you never had
that smile that is so yellow and fake will not reach my heart

the older bitter women who stand and feast their eyes and black tongues on you with gossip that is so obvious, stay away from them, they are in no way kind.

those with the shittiest reputations often earned it, you do not have to be their way back to the good life.
let them find their way on their own, you do not have to be the hamster of the experiment every time.

have fun!

i do not mean to scare anyone but i have learned a million lessons so fast, and now i can not take the energy of the fakers, the liars, the cheaters, the perverted men in saintly suits, the tipsy talk that is full of crap!

listen to your heart
see beyond the masks and the make up
see the hearts of gold and the hearts of stone beneath the clothes, beneath it all.

stop, wait, listen to your heart for a change!

on the other side

2010-06-17T03:55:00.000-07:00

living in the city

but lonely
down town
in between the buzz of life
but very lonely

because the little ones i love so much are on the other side
home is where the heart is

all the people i am made of are there
i am here on the other side
always longing to go to their side of town

the umbilical cord between me and my mother is still attached
i want to be by her side all the time

smell her
talk with her
eat with her
lay with her
swim with her

and i do not care if my life slips away
and i get nothing much done

in the east love hurts
in the east sadness is always in our dark eyes
in the east the little ones come first

the road i take to them is long
but passes fast thinking of them
when the road is not taken
it is hard, it is far, it is lonely
it is lonely on the other side

without them life is dull
the busy city quiets down and i am so lonely
all by myself most of the time
the crowded city life means nothing when they are all on the other side

mother oh mother

2010-06-08T02:43:00.001-07:00

mother is the soul of the earth

mother is the soul of nature
nothing beats motherhood
nothing is greater than a good mother
my mother is all i have in this world
and through her i have learned to respect all the mothers in the universe
through her love i have learned about the relationships between the womb and the open sea
and although its a mans world i have realized men are nothing without their mothers

the instinct is built even in little girls
we carry little dolls and want to take care of them
motherhood is the sun to the flowers
watch the cat with her kittens
watch the mothers of nature
watch the lioness as she fetches food for her cubs
nothing more magical than a mother

mother is this universe
mother is nature
mother is marry
mother is love
mother is a protective force
and a will to go on
mothering even a puppy, is a great pleasure on its own

life is worth living once you matter to a smaller being
once your existence affects another
and this is my mother
God bless all the mothers

and we have a prayer
God don't let us be worshipers of tests let us be worshippers of good doing

dear God please do not give me a test that breaks me
please give something i can handle let me be a light in the world that i need not to be tested

between the birds, the skies and sees, between the earth, the sun and beings, nothing is more wonderful than a mother.

purple

2010-06-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

i missed you purple
finally you are back and with u came peace of mind
finally i can breath again

liar liar pants on fire

2010-06-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

you would think that age would teach people lessons

the first lesson i have learned:
age sometimes means nothing
some people can be younger than you and wiser than you
some people can be double your age and have no morals
or respect. its sometimes easier to respect a new born since they're still pure.

worse than young immoral people is old immoral people
almost 50 or more how could you still lie?
how could you still find paradise at the bars?
when will so many people grow up?

age gracefully
age with class

when will they learn?
when will they let go and take a higher road?

don't they know that the grave keeps getting closer?
these people who live in denial thinking they are still in their twenties
dressing up like i do not know what
leaving no room for any one to respect them
and no place for the imagination
when you reveal all, you leave nothing for the mind
you leave nothing for the soul
you demand to be treated like a desperate object

"class" people where has it gone?

but the problem is not in them
it is in me to trust in them just because they are older means nothing
liars i have realized are the most disgusting people
no wonder they lost so many friends along the way

the humility is all theirs once its known that they lied
oh how humiliating it must be to be a liar and to be caught

so many people i decided i do not want to know any more because of nothing else other than the fact that they lied
liars are a disgrace
liars are a joke
liars are sick

some white lies are fine
but those lies that are made up just to put you down
told by so called friends
friends are important but its not a stranger's choice to be my friend

i have learned so much lately
to speak my mind
to hold on to my beliefs
and not to give in to those who decided they want me as a friend when i do not agree to this friendship
a friendship that is in no way fun for me

age means nothing
age is an illusion

trust only those who deserve trust
do not be blinded by sneaky smiles

i pity those who their graves are so close and they cling to life and its dark side
me and my people we are so young yet we think of karma and how it will turn out
we roll our tongues back a million times before we hurt anyone
knowing that its so low to bring a soul down

but the others they strive to see a rising star and they shoot it down with lies
with no talent with no spirit with dark hearts they eat the pure alive

but its so great seeing things clearly when the masks fall off in the end
when you know about their games and that you have been fooled for awhile
when you decide to run away and leave, it feels so freeing like breaking up with a freak

you know something is wrong when someone close pays too much attention to you
follows your every move
copies all your signature style
you know you are in the company of a freak and a dangerous one when they put you down and still copy you

no you are not my friend
i never chose you to be
we are so different and not in creative ways
no my friends are pure
no my friends are wiser
no i will not give in to a bully again

bye bye liars
bye bye freaks
bye bye bullies

time can sometimes fail to teach people about souls and the damages of bad karma it can take people lifetimes to realize the dark road is horrible, it can even pass them away and they die not knowing how pure they could have been and that there are so many deeper layers to life other than the one shallow place they lock them selves in.

liars are not my friends and they will never be

to all the liars: stay away you are creepy in every way
you even shrunk so much in size, in my eyes you are tiny

watch out for those who creep in to your life and want to be you for awhile or even think that they can own you or your mind.

i am free and i will not give up my freedom for anything

freedom

2010-06-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

free the artist
freedom is the most important possession for artists and free spirits

nobody can own my mind
nobody owns me
i am free from anyone even if it means losing my security
nothing feels better than freedom
protect your good name
protect your spirit
do not hang with the question marks

those without talent can envy you
those without spirit can try to bring you down
try to push you to the ground
and at your happiest moment make you feel like nothing
take your pride away when you should be holding your head high
make up stories with no goal but to put you down

people can be psycho
trust a few

let the evil ones go
or just the too fishy
what good is success if it means no freedom

yes i am free
free to be who i want to be
nobody owns me

keep your head up

2010-05-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

keep your head up high
do not let them bring you down
do not let them ride you
you are not a free ride
do not underestimate me
do not think you can own me just because of my smile
yes i am fun but that does not mean i am easy for you to boss around
you might misunderstand the fact that i am kind
i see beyond your shallow facade
i see you and how dark you are inside

some people think they can fake who they are
but nobody is dumb we all know what they are about
the good are good the bad are bad
act like you would like to be treated

dave chapel once said in a stand up comedy "if you are dressed like a policemen expect people to treat you like one, when people ask you for help you cant say just because i am dressed like a policemen does not make me one"
so it goes for every way you like to present yourself
our exteriors are our ways to show the world what we want them to think of us

class is what so many people lack
and what annoys me most is people who do not respect the people around them thinking they are smarter
and they can fool them

my friends are those i love and we have no motives
my friends and i we go way back
u cant press a button and turn me into one of your friends

be strong stand up for your self i tell the girls like me

to the fake, the bossy, the abusive and the unfair you are all transparent
i can see through you
stay away and do not steal all my trademarks turning them into yours
copy cats can be creepy
coming too close too fast
so do not tell me what i can or can not do

keep your head up
do not let anyone laugh at your dreams
do not let them put you down
with words or chuckles
only the insecure make you doubt your self
you are clean, pure and a being of light let the dark ones fade away
only your inner eye will see things clearly
and you will know who is using you
who is fake
who is real
who is good
good people are so hard to find but they are here
somewhere with no question marks over their haeds

keep your head up
be strong
the power of the universe is inside you
with God on your side then who could ever stand in your way
yes you can break free
say no
and let them go
keep your heart first
and never let them pass the barrier
no stepping on me
no stepping on you
i broke free and now i found my self again
it feels great to fly and to touch my core again
after someone comes between you and yourself
you need to keep them away

you want to be me?
you can only be you
stay away
i am whole alone
i need no one
i believe in me
and God is inside me

i will keep my head up
because its good to be me

gender anger

2010-05-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

i hold a grudge against the male gender
i just realized how the ride can be easy for him
he rules, he drives, he speaks louder most of the time
he can get away with so much
oh mom you raised me so well you hid the truth about being a girl so well
i had no idea about the gender wars
only recently did i know that my father wanted a boy
never did he show it
and never did i understand why like tonight
i did not know about all the abuse girls go through for being girls
you blinded me about the fact that in many places i am second class
because i am not a he
you did not tell me some people expect me to shut up because i'm a woman
growing up in an american school they fooled me showing me life through a free world
i could speak my mind back then, i could question anyone, speak proudly and raise my head high
but today i have come to realize that the women of the world bare so much more than their fellow men
especially in the third world that i am from
other than the process of life that they brought us to this world through
and the nurturing that is often life long
and the realm of emotions that they can feel and most men do not even know about
always beautiful always strong
always faithful always smiling
through the pains of unshed tears
so much pressure to be beautiful to be cute and to be innocent
the egyptian culture expects a girl to be stupid and obedient fun and most of the time silent.
a smart girl is not so happy here because she must act dumb to keep him proud
a strong girl has to cover her strength and be dependent and fragile
to be a girl you must be scared to be accepted you must seem weak
you must shut up and blend in,
keep your voice low and always be the little girl who stares at the world and leaves him to lead the ride

my angel said

2010-05-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

my angel came and told me a poem
as i opened my eyes
the angel said:
u say you need all the help
and that your world has come to an end
you ask the whole world for advice
and still you miss the point of the test
you believe your fellow friends
you believe your elderly
you believe the voices on earth
but you never listened to the beloved

you still have not asked him for help
you are still too proud to kneel and beg
your tears are so rare and your world is so
small.

you still did not turn to him, he who brought the world to a start
he who knows you more than you know your own self

my angel said God promised to answer the prayers of those who pray
yet still you refuse to ask him for help
and you believe the promises of everyone else
if your creator promised you something
you should know it is for sure and that anything else is maybe

my angel told me no matter how much people pray for me it won't do much
i need to pray for my self
no one else can break the code

my angel told me through love, openings will show
and the sufis way is through deep love of the prophet
my angel told me to disappear in the love of the prophet
my angel told me openings will appear from where i had no clue

as my angel spoke i could see forms and lights surround us both
and the way we met was only a message from God
my angel was one of us
she is an educator a professor a Dr. at the american university of cairo
seeing her you would never have guessed that she is a seeker of light
a lover of the prophet and a sufi with a heart as clear and pure as the angels above
she looks like anyone of us in modern clothes and no veils or pretenses
she was the toughest teacher in school
and her three hour class passed like a glimpse every time
she pushed us to reach higher levels
she made us cry and laugh at once and in the end we would accomplish work we did not know we can ever create
never have i met a better teacher with a divine aura that made you respect every bit of her
and realize how precious her time is.
she inspires, she pushes, she teaches, she is what every teacher dreams of being, and what every student seeks for in a teacher.

God bless you Dr. Youmna S
my favorite and most amazing teacher and mentor of all time

love and light

your former student
mennah

the time for us is now

2010-05-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

it is our time to make our dreams come true
nobody is sitting on their ass anymore
the world is going through a revolution
the young are making it
free they break the rules
with talent or an idea the sky is the limit
im so proud of us my generation
is out there doing it
the wedding is not it for the girls anymore
everyone is making something
selling
showing
they are all out there
we are all there
making it
dream big because dreams come true

Arabic Songs (Eng. Subs) Kifak Inta كيفك إنت

2010-05-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson " I just can't stop Loving you"

2010-05-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

shakiras gypsy

2010-05-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Broke my heart
On the road
Spent the weekend
Sewing the pieces back on

Friends and thoughts pass me by
Walking gets too boring
When you learn how to fly

Not the homecoming kind
Take the top off
And who knows what you might find

Won't confess all my sins
You can bet I'll try it
But You can't always win

Chorus

'Cause I'm a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes
And wear them if they fit me
I never made agreements
Just like a gypsy
And I won't back down
'Cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry
I'm too young to die
If you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm a gypsy

('Cause I'm a gypsy)

Verse 2

I can't hide
what I've done
Scars remind me
Of just how far that I've come
To whom it may concern
Only run with scissors
When you want to get hurt

Chorus
'Cause I'm a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes
And wear them if they fit me
I don't make agreements
Just like a gypsy
And I won't back down
'Cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry
I'm too young to die
If you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm a gypsy

I said hey you
You're no fool
If you say 'NO'
Ain't it just the way life goes?
People fear what they don't know
Come along for the ride, Oh yeah
Come along for the ride, whoo-hoo

'Cause I'm a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes
And wear them if they fit me
Never made agreements
Just like a gypsy
And I won't back down
'Cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry
I'm too young to die
If you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm a gypsy

some show

2010-05-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

watching glee the new show that i am addicted to is like a trip to heaven and back

if you did not watch this show and you are into music you have to start

watching it im on cloud number 9

joy is what it is

the making of joy

that is entertainment

not like the shows with people dying and tragic plots that torture your heart and break it by your own choice

i refuse to volunteer my own torture with sad shows

glee is the making of joy

glee is a spiritual fun experience

it is witty

it is artistic

the cast is so talented its like going to Broadway every night but you are in your pj's on your own coach and broadway comes home to you

i love glee

it is my joy

i wish i was in the glee club

i want to sing and dance on stage

glee: now that is talent

open your heart

2010-05-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

open ur mind

open ur heart

open ur soul

open ur spirit

open ur arms

open up like a lotus flower

its all you need

to be free and for the universe to give you what you need

follow your dream

work hard

have fun doing it

lose your self and find it in the end

be like the bird

your dream will come true

and do not let them laugh at your dreams

every great thing was first a dream

lose your fear

don't listen to your mind

it will bring you down

follow your heart

and fly away into the sky

joy will find you

watch the children and play like them

life is the biggest playground

the show will go on

2010-05-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

"the joys of the mystics" in safarkhan zamalek,

6 brazil street

look up their website

my art is hanging there waiting for u to c

if ur not in cairo enjoy this blog

tomorrow is judgement day

2010-05-16T03:02:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my judgement day

my little babies will hang on the wall

my loved pieces are not with me anymore

they went to the gallery

they are ready to see the world

they will meet strangers for the first time

the joys of the mystics

the work is ready to be judged and to communicate

every piece is dear is loved

every piece is from my all

i should be scared and anxious

but as they say i am comfortably numb

what is done is done

and this is it for me

what happens next is not up to me

my part is done

the rest is up to the work to perform

to touch people or not

to speak or to sleep

but i miss my work

pieces of me are out to be judged

tomorrow is judgement day

its so close now

2010-05-15T03:20:00.000-07:00

may 17th is so close now

closer than ever

it came rushing and did not wait

they said if you believe in yourself great things happen

they said if you commit to something it commits back and brings results

they said inspiration looks for the working people to come

they said give it your all and it will give you back

working on my last piece

painting it like i do not want it to end

who knows what will happen next

who knows anything

enjoy the moment that is now

that is free from agony

life can be great

possibilities are every where

life can surprise you

why do we meet the people we meet

we run in circles and we lose so many along the way

always be ready who knows who you will meet

and only when you give the most you can in something can someone fall in love with you

let it consume you whatever you can

we are spiritual beings whirling in the universe waiting to catch the light

why do we prefer mediocracy when we know we are great and divine

why do we run away from the divine when he brought us here

some people prefer to crawl through life and keep things simple

saying a tree is just a tree a house is just a house thinking there are no souls to the things

thinking life is just a coincidence

but we prefer the magical life where we can see the colors that the ordinary can not

where we can see the dancers in the trees and we can see the leaves as they breath

the bird in remembrance

the tigress chasing life

the grace of a swan

the majesty of a lion

and the kingdom of heaven

it is so close now making it seem like dreams do come true

marriage

2010-05-14T04:30:00.000-07:00

marriage is an institution designed to make single women uncomfortable and anxious

and married women too available and boring

one of the most important attractions in a woman is her mystery and marriage kills that,

turns her into a buddy by time

marriage is a place where expectations are hard to meet and women are always disappointed

marriage is a holy bond if not handled with sacredness can create disasters

marriage is an experiment where two beings from different worlds guess what each of them has in mind

marriage creates unhealthy attachments that end up in a partner being choked and another heart broken

marriage makes all the other women seem more desirable for they are the unknown and unseen for men

marriage is a wonderful celebration that brings people together

marriage is a place where your outline blurs into another and you end up confused

marriage is a system with roles and games and twisted ways you must have the keys to survive

men are in the limelight ever after the wedding ceremony

men are the winners of the leading role

women are the extras

have women displayed themselves as purchasable objects to the extent that going to a bar for a man becomes very close to visiting the supermarket?

have women revealed so much to the extent that men see them as objects?

i wonder if eve has brought her self to this position by making her body seem cheap and objectified

have men become the main characters

or have they always been?

back home with their families most girls are stars

and suddenly they become a thing that someone chose

a toy most men are bored with by time

routine kills romance and marriages are about that

marriage is what every girl dreams about

and it is a winning industry

women are not food

egyptian men say can you eat the same food every day?

even if its caviar?

it is their excuse to cheating

why could women eat the same food everyday if men can not?

prostitutes have ruined it for the female population

made women become purchasable

why do women mistake showers of love with ideal romance

when all men need is a fraction of women's love so they can breathe

most men say women are crazy for their emotional ways

i say men have lost so much emotion on the ladder of corporate success

gullible men look for interested women to feed their egos

stupid women love too much and let their hearts torture them

be inspired

2010-05-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.mythinglinks.org/NearEast~3monotheisms~Islam~Rabia.html

inner monologue

2010-05-12T03:08:00.001-07:00

its crawling up on me

a date on a calendar can become so big in your head

all the other days fade away

only one day is highlighted

only one day is big in your heart

you wait

you anticipate

you forget everyone and everything else

you wish all those who put you down would come

all those you love would be there to support you

every time you accomplish something its to make your dearest ones proud and to shove it in the face of those who said you wont make it and that your ways are not welcomed in the world

being a freak is not so bad

being slightly mad brings out the new in you

it is great not to be another clone of the crowd

be yourself there is no way you are a photocopy

everyone thinks they are king

everyone thinks they know it all and that you do not know

do not listen to them

you know so much, you know it inside ,dig deeper

unleash the dragon inside

capable of everything

you know things you did not think about

you are great i tell you

just stop being so afraid of what they say

they know nothing anyway

they are boring

they are judgmental

they are cowards

and behind their cold smiles and greetings are extremely insecure souls

in silence i have found my true self

i have found God in the silence and in the eyes of my loved ones

the little ones are the spring time of this life

it is God giving us joy through listening to their giggles

their little feet and their voices

inspiration is everywhere

just open your eyes or close them and listen to you heart for a change

when u make art

2010-05-06T05:05:00.000-07:00

when u make art u gotta forget about what the people will say

only when u do can u create the best out of you

my exhibition is coming up may 17

days away and viewers will either love or hate my work

but it will not matter much what they say

because what is important is doing what u love and someway somehow it will be appreciated

first i was terrified if they hated it

then i broke free and only then did they believe in it

this time it is completely me, nothing to hide what is inside

the mirror of the heart is what it is

the sufis way

yes art is an expression of who you are

colors can speak louder than words sometimes

but i wish i was not only a painter

i wish i was a singer

i wish i was an actress

i wish i was an opera dancer

i wish i was a song writer

i wish i lived on stage and back stage

i wish i could bring back the time when i was involved in theatre

i wish it was easier to embrace the arts in cairo

it is actually not

society is harsh that way

does not let you do what you want

so many barriers

so many rules not to break

so many unspoken laws

thank God i can paint

thank God i can show the world

thank God its ok to make art in this society

even writing here on this blog has been frowned upon

so many limits

so many barriers

when the only one who can judge us is God

who says art is sinful

there is no gift more precious than the gift of music

than the gift of colors

than art

art is my oxygen

i don't care what they say i will keep making art

if they call me a fool

if they call me mad

so many have been called and who cares

when you make art you must shut their voices down and be free

missing you

2010-05-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

some people are used to missing their loved ones

i am not

it might be my parent's fault they kept me too close

since then i learned to cling hard to the people i love

i am not used to goodbyes and i hate them

days pass like years and no one understands

i studied here in cairo

i worked here in cairo all my life i have been close to my dearest ones

i am not used to missing my loved ones

i learned something today

when you start crying so hard get up and move, the shift of movement simplifies your pain

the worst thing you can do is stay in the same place, the sadness adds and adds until it wins over you

low blood pressure does not help either

after crying a lot drink a lot of fluids for you have been dehydrated by the massive tears

surround your self by happy strong cheerful people avoid those who are like you at hard times, the vulnerable or sad bring you down more

try to get used to the feelings

detach your self

adapt to change

that is the hardest of them all

every body leaves you in the end i told my self so be strong and let go

nothing is forever, nothing is yours, nothing stays.

this world is not real i told my heart, this world is not real i repeated.

and with the colors of my brushes i lost myself behind the canvas and forgot about my dripping tears

we all hurt i am not ashamed of that but i want to be independent like people who lived on their own abroad

i am not them, all i can do is remember the divine and keep busy with art after all its makes life worth living, and too much missing can drain you.

fear : my enemy

2010-05-03T05:33:00.000-07:00

every time my wings begin to form and i'm about to fly, fear brings me down

time after time i realized who is my biggest enemy, fear is

i try to shove it down and it rises

i try to act all tough and it comes back why should i fear a life not mine?

fear haunts my dreams haunts me and destroys all the good that comes my way

i wish i would not be scared anymore i wish i was bigger than my fears

someone once asked what would you do if you were not afraid?

the answer is all that is wonderful

fear destroys love

fear depresses people

fear kills joy fear pulls me back from reaching the skies

all these nightmarish scenarios came from fear

all these times i did not say what i felt, that too was fear

i will not hurt no one but i will not be afraid to say the truth

the truth feels great to say

i hate you fear

go away do not stay here in this body of mine you are not welcomed

my fear and my mind they gang up on me and paralyze me

how i hate them both

after a short time i push them out

i phase them out

with love and joy i can win this war inside

fear brought me sickness

fear brought me sadness

fear you are a weak existence all you aim for is bringing us down

no i don't want to be afraid anymore

if i were a boy

2010-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

i would not think so much

keep my life simple

i would not analyze or even theorize

i would do what i want

even if it hurt the crowd

i would be a free bird

no tears would tie me down

i would be a typical guy

if i were a boy

time flies when u r inspired

2010-04-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

when you do things from your heart no other joy can compare

inspiration comes from so many places

inspiration is what every artist longs for

we work all we can

but when it comes things go to another level

the creative process is at work

to be inspired you must be open

to be open you must let go

to let go you must trust

to trust you must have faith

to have faith is to love

to be inspired is to be blissful

and to lose yourself behind a canvas, in a song, in a poem

music proves to take me higher every time i trust it with my soul

and when you are one with the universe creating art

time flies

time flies, and life is worth while

you know why you came

why you are here now

and there is nothing more satisfying than finding your place on earth

and a connection with heaven

inspiration is everything for a creative being

you disappear and a higher force takes it's course

what good is a song if it is not heard

and how great is it when it touches the heart

some voices make life worth living just by listening to them sing

some tunes make the world a better place

in music i found refuge and in art i found an outlet

with colors i speak a language more powerful than words

and my message is an old cliché but it never wears out

love and peace

joy and bliss

be inspired because an inspired life has so much more taste and meaning

drink from the river of inspiration like all the artists have before

art and love make life worth living

WICKED GAME [HD] Chris Isaak

2010-04-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

Gloria Estefan - Here We Are (INCLUDES LYRICS)

2010-04-27T05:36:00.001-07:00

gloria estefan .words get in the way.(((lovesongsmad)))

2010-04-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

Gloria Estefan - Anything For You (Live at Homecoming)

2010-04-27T05:31:00.000-07:00

Gloria Estefan Cant Stay Away From You 80s HQ Lyrics

2010-04-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

Gloria Estefan - Don't Wanna Lose You - 1989

2010-04-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

the artist and the people

2010-04-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

painting my days away,

the artists work

the artists sacrifice their cleanliness

their nails and fingers covered in paint

there is always the risk of being called a fool

the artists of the world they put their soul out for judgement

the artists are sensitive to their surroundings

the artists work, present and wait

for feedback

for backbites

for praise and criticism

the artist is free

free the artist

and let them be

they are for the people, in the end they need an audience to be

have you heard the news today?

2010-04-23T03:36:00.000-07:00

have you heard the new today?

why do they always blow up the bad news?

why do they repeat themselves over and over like they're talking to morons

why do they enjoy delivering the tragedies of the earth?

why do they only care for their names in the lime light?

why could they give anything for more scandals?

why do they shout?

why do they talk like they are not normal people?

why do they lie?

why do we believe all they say?

what about humanity?

beyond money and power, where are the real things?

i have a feeling the happiest man is the anchor listening to his own voice tickling his ego.

have you heard the news today?